Sean Dyche - has one hell of a job to do !

fourdoors wrote:

hairy cataract wrote:

fourdoors wrote:

Rotterdam 1985 wrote:

fourdoors wrote:So we need to get Dyche in for 18 months to clear the dead wood and build up some fitness, to be replaced by Bielsa for the 24-25 season. Jodie Comer can do all the media stuff so we Hairy can ogle her instead of Dyche. Then it's Gemma Hayes for the half-time shows and Tony Bellew can help Emma Hayes with the tea.

This is a pretty good summary, in two sentences, of over two pages of utter bollocks. Impressive.

Still can't believe we missed out on Rommel though.

Thanks. I listen to the blathering of mid-level German civil servants (who might also benefit from being managed by Rommel until the end of the season) for a living and try to decipher what they really want. You lot are remarkably lucid in comparison

I have quite an important question in that case.

What is "egg and chips" in German?  Asking for a friend.

I've been puzzling over this for several minutes.
That's not an innocent question. There's something rude in there somewhere, a pun or something, and I can't see it
1st answer: Ei und Pommes. But there's no innuendo there.
Ei und frites? And that sounds a bit like 'iron fritz' - which is neither funny nor rude
Pommes und Ei? Frites und Spiegelei?
"Ei" is slang for bollock, 'Pommes und Spiegelei' would therefore be translated back into English as 'Fries and Mirror Bollock'

I give up.

fourdoors wrote:

hairy cataract wrote:

fourdoors wrote:

Rotterdam 1985 wrote:

fourdoors wrote:So we need to get Dyche in for 18 months to clear the dead wood and build up some fitness, to be replaced by Bielsa for the 24-25 season. Jodie Comer can do all the media stuff so we Hairy can ogle her instead of Dyche. Then it's Gemma Hayes for the half-time shows and Tony Bellew can help Emma Hayes with the tea.

This is a pretty good summary, in two sentences, of over two pages of utter bollocks. Impressive.

Still can't believe we missed out on Rommel though.

Thanks. I listen to the blathering of mid-level German civil servants (who might also benefit from being managed by Rommel until the end of the season) for a living and try to decipher what they really want. You lot are remarkably lucid in comparison

I have quite an important question in that case.

What is "egg and chips" in German?  Asking for a friend.

I've been puzzling over this for several minutes.
That's not an innocent question. There's something rude in there somewhere, a pun or something, and I can't see it
1st answer: Ei und Pommes. But there's no innuendo there.
Ei und frites? And that sounds a bit like 'iron fritz' - which is neither funny nor rude
Pommes und Ei? Frites und Spiegelei?
"Ei" is slang for bollock, 'Pommes und Spiegelei' would therefore be translated back into English as 'Fries and Mirror Bollock'

I give up.

Rotterdam 1985 wrote:

fourdoors wrote:

hairy cataract wrote:

fourdoors wrote:

Rotterdam 1985 wrote:

fourdoors wrote:So we need to get Dyche in for 18 months to clear the dead wood and build up some fitness, to be replaced by Bielsa for the 24-25 season. Jodie Comer can do all the media stuff so we Hairy can ogle her instead of Dyche. Then it's Gemma Hayes for the half-time shows and Tony Bellew can help Emma Hayes with the tea.

This is a pretty good summary, in two sentences, of over two pages of utter bollocks. Impressive.

Still can't believe we missed out on Rommel though.

Thanks. I listen to the blathering of mid-level German civil servants (who might also benefit from being managed by Rommel until the end of the season) for a living and try to decipher what they really want. You lot are remarkably lucid in comparison

I have quite an important question in that case.

What is "egg and chips" in German?  Asking for a friend.

I've been puzzling over this for several minutes.
That's not an innocent question. There's something rude in there somewhere, a pun or something, and I can't see it
1st answer: Ei und Pommes. But there's no innuendo there.
Ei und frites? And that sounds a bit like 'iron fritz' - which is neither funny nor rude
Pommes und Ei? Frites und Spiegelei?
"Ei" is slang for bollock, 'Pommes und Spiegelei' would therefore be translated back into English as 'Fries and Mirror Bollock'

I give up.

No, Iron Fritz isn't particularly funny, although has probably been used as a S*n headline at some point or other. But fries and mirror bollock is quite funny. A mirror is a type of carp, so could easily be a delicacy over there. Also I can imagine this coming up on Google translate while I'm desperately trying to decipher a German menu.

I have form here, you see? I studied French for 6 or 7 years at school, can't remember most of it, but I can get by in restaurants when I'm over there. I only did German for a year and now remember about four words only, and two of those are "Bayern" and "Muenchen." Anyhoo, one day me and a mate, on our European travels, sat down in a German restaurant and tried to work out the menu - they didn't have an English menu, and this is early 90's so no mobile phones to help us translate.

We were obviously trying to avoid ordering something like mirror bollock, so we studied the menu for quite some time; the waitress was smiling at first but had a stern look on her face when she came back over for a 4th or 5th time to basically demand that we order something. Eventually, we ordered what we thought was a meal. Two minutes later she returned with a white bread roll each, with a knob of butter on the side.

Tonteau wrote:Andy Hunter:
   "Bielsa informed Everton he would join now but would work behind the scenes until the end of the season, coaching the under-21s and younger players as the club adapted to his methods. That would have left Everton needing an interim manager for the precarious task of keeping them in the Premier League and was not a situation the club was willing to accept."

Armchair wrote:

Tonteau wrote:Andy Hunter:
   "Bielsa informed Everton he would join now but would work behind the scenes until the end of the season, coaching the under-21s and younger players as the club adapted to his methods. That would have left Everton needing an interim manager for the precarious task of keeping them in the Premier League and was not a situation the club was willing to accept."

lol, for £1m/month? He's crackers.

Armchair wrote:

Tonteau wrote:Andy Hunter:
   "Bielsa informed Everton he would join now but would work behind the scenes until the end of the season, coaching the under-21s and younger players as the club adapted to his methods. That would have left Everton needing an interim manager for the precarious task of keeping them in the Premier League and was not a situation the club was willing to accept."

lol, for £1m/month? He's crackers.

hairy cataract wrote:

Armchair wrote:

Tonteau wrote:Andy Hunter:
   "Bielsa informed Everton he would join now but would work behind the scenes until the end of the season, coaching the under-21s and younger players as the club adapted to his methods. That would have left Everton needing an interim manager for the precarious task of keeping them in the Premier League and was not a situation the club was willing to accept."

lol, for £1m/month? He's crackers.

If he did say that, it's not as stupid as it sounds.  I mean, if we were the kind of forward-thinking, long term enterprise that Brentford or Brighton are, we would think "ok, that's fucking mad, but if we want Bielsa and we want to create a way of playing that could be taken over by one of Bielsa's many acolytes currently managing teams around the world, then let's do it.  Put Big Dunc in charge, and try to kick out way out of this relegation battle, then Bielsa guts the team and we start again in the summer".

The downside is that Bielsa is 67 and mad as a box of testicles.

Da Judge wrote:

Armchair wrote:

Tonteau wrote:Andy Hunter:
   "Bielsa informed Everton he would join now but would work behind the scenes until the end of the season, coaching the under-21s and younger players as the club adapted to his methods. That would have left Everton needing an interim manager for the precarious task of keeping them in the Premier League and was not a situation the club was willing to accept."

lol, for £1m/month? He's crackers.

That does not appear to fit his well crafted socialist narrative. Although there is a part of me that likes the approach.

I liken the challenge we are in to a large part of the challenges I face in my consultancy practice.

Changing managers in a Football Club should e likened to a Corporate overhauling it's Enterprise IT suite (it really is that critical). Boards are often face with the decision "tweak and tinker, upgrade and sweat the asset" else recognise that the world has moved and new capabilities need to be harnessed requiring a huge investment programme. My work is generally made the second option but with the first option mindset. Far too often I am stood in front of boards getting them. to confirm they changed the IT but expect the staff to use the technology and processes as if the old way was still around. I then spend months and in one exceptional case years (two) retuning the work (systems, processes and operations).

We have chosen the second route. We are building the stadium (Enterprise platform) and we now need to define the core application suite (manager) which sets the general thrust of how the company (team) will operate and that then sets the application sets (players) we need.

Everton need like major organisations before them need to to digest the huge cost of the platform and operations suite, we are going to be less effective as an organisation as this occurs (relegation), the one critical thing we need is to share the path, explain to the customer base what we are trying to do , the cost (financial and emotional) and the desired outcomes we expect (with further communication along the way to reflect the progress - be it advanced or stalled).

Bielsa's approach might have been a brave decision before the World Cup, but there is an arrogance about knee-capping a fellow manager to take the heat and then assume the mantle. If we had courage in his vision we could perhaps leave the temporary guys with the horrific legacy they would occupy in our history (but with a fucking huge asterisk). To my mind I might still have stuck with Lampard as a first team coach and Bielsa as a Director of Football.

As I say it's the fucking brave decision. Change the club from within that we have this style of play and we stick with it. Where Bielsa failed at Leeds was there was no subtle tweaking for the odd match or two. He and Leeds as a style got found out. It is a dilemma

Da Judge wrote:

That does not appear to fit his well crafted socialist narrative. Although there is a part of me that likes the approach.

I liken the challenge we are in to a large part of the challenges I face in my consultancy practice.

Changing managers in a Football Club should e likened to a Corporate overhauling it's Enterprise IT suite (it really is that critical). Boards are often face with the decision "tweak and tinker, upgrade and sweat the asset" else recognise that the world has moved and new capabilities need to be harnessed requiring a huge investment programme. My work is generally made the second option but with the first option mindset. Far too often I am stood in front of boards getting them. to confirm they changed the IT but expect the staff to use the technology and processes as if the old way was still around. I then spend months and in one exceptional case years (two) retuning the work (systems, processes and operations).

We have chosen the second route. We are building the stadium (Enterprise platform) and we now need to define the core application suite (manager) which sets the general thrust of how the company (team) will operate and that then sets the application sets (players) we need.

Everton need like major organisations before them need to to digest the huge cost of the platform and operations suite, we are going to be less effective as an organisation as this occurs (relegation), the one critical thing we need is to share the path, explain to the customer base what we are trying to do , the cost (financial and emotional) and the desired outcomes we expect (with further communication along the way to reflect the progress - be it advanced or stalled).

Bielsa's approach might have been a brave decision before the World Cup, but there is an arrogance about knee-capping a fellow manager to take the heat and then assume the mantle. If we had courage in his vision we could perhaps leave the temporary guys with the horrific legacy they would occupy in our history (but with a fucking huge asterisk). To my mind I might still have stuck with Lampard as a first team coach and Bielsa as a Director of Football.

As I say it's the fucking brave decision. Change the club from within that we have this style of play and we stick with it. Where Bielsa failed at Leeds was there was no subtle tweaking for the odd match or two. He and Leeds as a style got found out. It is a dilemma

Rotterdam 1985 wrote:

Da Judge wrote:

That does not appear to fit his well crafted socialist narrative. Although there is a part of me that likes the approach.

I liken the challenge we are in to a large part of the challenges I face in my consultancy practice.

Changing managers in a Football Club should e likened to a Corporate overhauling it's Enterprise IT suite (it really is that critical). Boards are often face with the decision "tweak and tinker, upgrade and sweat the asset" else recognise that the world has moved and new capabilities need to be harnessed requiring a huge investment programme. My work is generally made the second option but with the first option mindset. Far too often I am stood in front of boards getting them. to confirm they changed the IT but expect the staff to use the technology and processes as if the old way was still around. I then spend months and in one exceptional case years (two) retuning the work (systems, processes and operations).

We have chosen the second route. We are building the stadium (Enterprise platform) and we now need to define the core application suite (manager) which sets the general thrust of how the company (team) will operate and that then sets the application sets (players) we need.

Everton need like major organisations before them need to to digest the huge cost of the platform and operations suite, we are going to be less effective as an organisation as this occurs (relegation), the one critical thing we need is to share the path, explain to the customer base what we are trying to do , the cost (financial and emotional) and the desired outcomes we expect (with further communication along the way to reflect the progress - be it advanced or stalled).

Bielsa's approach might have been a brave decision before the World Cup, but there is an arrogance about knee-capping a fellow manager to take the heat and then assume the mantle. If we had courage in his vision we could perhaps leave the temporary guys with the horrific legacy they would occupy in our history (but with a fucking huge asterisk). To my mind I might still have stuck with Lampard as a first team coach and Bielsa as a Director of Football.

As I say it's the fucking brave decision. Change the club from within that we have this style of play and we stick with it. Where Bielsa failed at Leeds was there was no subtle tweaking for the odd match or two. He and Leeds as a style got found out. It is a dilemma

"Thank you Mr Judge, some sage insights there. OK we'll now break for coffee, and after that our next speaker will be David Smith from Amazon, with some thoughts on how we can operationally synergise our e-business and logistics operations."

I have to say, knowing what I know about Bielsa and how he works, his idea here (if true) is completely crackers, even by his standards. He's a training pitch manager, a coach. He's not a backroom/upstairs operator. And the last thing we need is any "Assistant Regional Manager"/"Assistant to the Regional Manager" confusion.

I've gone right off him now.

"Where Bielsa failed at Leeds was there was no subtle tweaking for the odd match or two. He and Leeds as a style got found out."

Yes, correct. There is no plan B with Bielsa, just a Plan A and a "do Plan A better" approach, as some Leeds fan tweeted earlier this week. You wouldn't want Bielsa for more than two seasons, three tops. All of his teams get found out in the end. It would just be quite the ride, while we were on it.

Rotterdam 1985 wrote:

fourdoors wrote:

hairy cataract wrote:

fourdoors wrote:

Rotterdam 1985 wrote:

fourdoors wrote:So we need to get Dyche in for 18 months to clear the dead wood and build up some fitness, to be replaced by Bielsa for the 24-25 season. Jodie Comer can do all the media stuff so we Hairy can ogle her instead of Dyche. Then it's Gemma Hayes for the half-time shows and Tony Bellew can help Emma Hayes with the tea.

This is a pretty good summary, in two sentences, of over two pages of utter bollocks. Impressive.

Still can't believe we missed out on Rommel though.

Thanks. I listen to the blathering of mid-level German civil servants (who might also benefit from being managed by Rommel until the end of the season) for a living and try to decipher what they really want. You lot are remarkably lucid in comparison

I have quite an important question in that case.

What is "egg and chips" in German?  Asking for a friend.

I've been puzzling over this for several minutes.
That's not an innocent question. There's something rude in there somewhere, a pun or something, and I can't see it
1st answer: Ei und Pommes. But there's no innuendo there.
Ei und frites? And that sounds a bit like 'iron fritz' - which is neither funny nor rude
Pommes und Ei? Frites und Spiegelei?
"Ei" is slang for bollock, 'Pommes und Spiegelei' would therefore be translated back into English as 'Fries and Mirror Bollock'

I give up.

No, Iron Fritz isn't particularly funny, although has probably been used as a S*n headline at some point or other. But fries and mirror bollock is quite funny. A mirror is a type of carp, so could easily be a delicacy over there. Also I can imagine this coming up on Google translate while I'm desperately trying to decipher a German menu.

I have form here, you see? I studied French for 6 or 7 years at school, can't remember most of it, but I can get by in restaurants when I'm over there. I only did German for a year and now remember about four words only, and two of those are "Bayern" and "Muenchen." Anyhoo, one day me and a mate, on our European travels, sat down in a German restaurant and tried to work out the menu - they didn't have an English menu, and this is early 90's so no mobile phones to help us translate.

We were obviously trying to avoid ordering something like mirror bollock, so we studied the menu for quite some time; the waitress was smiling at first but had a stern look on her face when she came back over for a 4th or 5th time to basically demand that we order something. Eventually, we ordered what we thought was a meal. Two minutes later she returned with a white bread roll each, with a knob of butter on the side.

Da Judge wrote:
If it is to be Dyche, then as Tonts said, we need to ostracise the boo boys as soon as possible. It is not Dyche's fault, I do not truly think it is Lampard's fault totally. But by Christ the players have to understand they are playing for their fucking mortgages.

Da Judge wrote:
One other idea, in future we need to insist we select the employees of the club. I note with interest the number of staff that came in a (and left with Lampard). I am unaware in any other business that you bring in a CEO (and his executive team all in one go). That has to stop. A good manager/coach works with ALL the staff as he enters - yes he can weed over time but really.....

Goodison_Gringo wrote:

Rotterdam 1985 wrote:

fourdoors wrote:

hairy cataract wrote:

fourdoors wrote:

Rotterdam 1985 wrote:

fourdoors wrote:So we need to get Dyche in for 18 months to clear the dead wood and build up some fitness, to be replaced by Bielsa for the 24-25 season. Jodie Comer can do all the media stuff so we Hairy can ogle her instead of Dyche. Then it's Gemma Hayes for the half-time shows and Tony Bellew can help Emma Hayes with the tea.

This is a pretty good summary, in two sentences, of over two pages of utter bollocks. Impressive.

Still can't believe we missed out on Rommel though.

Thanks. I listen to the blathering of mid-level German civil servants (who might also benefit from being managed by Rommel until the end of the season) for a living and try to decipher what they really want. You lot are remarkably lucid in comparison

I have quite an important question in that case.

What is "egg and chips" in German?  Asking for a friend.

I've been puzzling over this for several minutes.
That's not an innocent question. There's something rude in there somewhere, a pun or something, and I can't see it
1st answer: Ei und Pommes. But there's no innuendo there.
Ei und frites? And that sounds a bit like 'iron fritz' - which is neither funny nor rude
Pommes und Ei? Frites und Spiegelei?
"Ei" is slang for bollock, 'Pommes und Spiegelei' would therefore be translated back into English as 'Fries and Mirror Bollock'

I give up.

No, Iron Fritz isn't particularly funny, although has probably been used as a S*n headline at some point or other. But fries and mirror bollock is quite funny. A mirror is a type of carp, so could easily be a delicacy over there. Also I can imagine this coming up on Google translate while I'm desperately trying to decipher a German menu.

I have form here, you see? I studied French for 6 or 7 years at school, can't remember most of it, but I can get by in restaurants when I'm over there. I only did German for a year and now remember about four words only, and two of those are "Bayern" and "Muenchen." Anyhoo, one day me and a mate, on our European travels, sat down in a German restaurant and tried to work out the menu - they didn't have an English menu, and this is early 90's so no mobile phones to help us translate.

We were obviously trying to avoid ordering something like mirror bollock, so we studied the menu for quite some time; the waitress was smiling at first but had a stern look on her face when she came back over for a 4th or 5th time to basically demand that we order something. Eventually, we ordered what we thought was a meal. Two minutes later she returned with a white bread roll each, with a knob of butter on the side.

Years ago I was travelling in Vietnam with a mate. We were on a long overnight bus and stopped at a little restaurant in the middle of nowehere, absolutely starving. There was no English menu and with their alphabet you can't even make an educated guess, so we just pointed and hoped for the best. No idea what it was that we ate, but it filled the gap. Only after eating did I need a piss, so had to ask directions for the bog using the international sign for needing a waz. The girl pointed me through the kitchen and out the back. The kitchen was a big square room full of activity. Food was been prepped all around the perimeter and in the middle there was a huge pig pen with about 10 pot-bellied pigs wallowing in their own shit.  I'm still not sure whether it was better to have eaten first or gone for a piss first.

Rotterdam 1985 wrote:

Goodison_Gringo wrote:

Rotterdam 1985 wrote:

fourdoors wrote:

hairy cataract wrote:

fourdoors wrote:

Rotterdam 1985 wrote:

fourdoors wrote:So we need to get Dyche in for 18 months to clear the dead wood and build up some fitness, to be replaced by Bielsa for the 24-25 season. Jodie Comer can do all the media stuff so we Hairy can ogle her instead of Dyche. Then it's Gemma Hayes for the half-time shows and Tony Bellew can help Emma Hayes with the tea.

This is a pretty good summary, in two sentences, of over two pages of utter bollocks. Impressive.

Still can't believe we missed out on Rommel though.

Thanks. I listen to the blathering of mid-level German civil servants (who might also benefit from being managed by Rommel until the end of the season) for a living and try to decipher what they really want. You lot are remarkably lucid in comparison

I have quite an important question in that case.

What is "egg and chips" in German?  Asking for a friend.

I've been puzzling over this for several minutes.
That's not an innocent question. There's something rude in there somewhere, a pun or something, and I can't see it
1st answer: Ei und Pommes. But there's no innuendo there.
Ei und frites? And that sounds a bit like 'iron fritz' - which is neither funny nor rude
Pommes und Ei? Frites und Spiegelei?
"Ei" is slang for bollock, 'Pommes und Spiegelei' would therefore be translated back into English as 'Fries and Mirror Bollock'

I give up.

No, Iron Fritz isn't particularly funny, although has probably been used as a S*n headline at some point or other. But fries and mirror bollock is quite funny. A mirror is a type of carp, so could easily be a delicacy over there. Also I can imagine this coming up on Google translate while I'm desperately trying to decipher a German menu.

I have form here, you see? I studied French for 6 or 7 years at school, can't remember most of it, but I can get by in restaurants when I'm over there. I only did German for a year and now remember about four words only, and two of those are "Bayern" and "Muenchen." Anyhoo, one day me and a mate, on our European travels, sat down in a German restaurant and tried to work out the menu - they didn't have an English menu, and this is early 90's so no mobile phones to help us translate.

We were obviously trying to avoid ordering something like mirror bollock, so we studied the menu for quite some time; the waitress was smiling at first but had a stern look on her face when she came back over for a 4th or 5th time to basically demand that we order something. Eventually, we ordered what we thought was a meal. Two minutes later she returned with a white bread roll each, with a knob of butter on the side.

Years ago I was travelling in Vietnam with a mate. We were on a long overnight bus and stopped at a little restaurant in the middle of nowehere, absolutely starving. There was no English menu and with their alphabet you can't even make an educated guess, so we just pointed and hoped for the best. No idea what it was that we ate, but it filled the gap. Only after eating did I need a piss, so had to ask directions for the bog using the international sign for needing a waz. The girl pointed me through the kitchen and out the back. The kitchen was a big square room full of activity. Food was been prepped all around the perimeter and in the middle there was a huge pig pen with about 10 pot-bellied pigs wallowing in their own shit.  I'm still not sure whether it was better to have eaten first or gone for a piss first.

Yeah I agree with Judge on this, we are too squeamish about what we eat. I'm as bad as anyone, I'm not sure I'd want to be introduced to the pig before I chuck some mustard on it and eat it, but really if we are going to eat meat then we shouldn't pretend that the reality of the slaughter doesn't exist, and that the only parts we can eat are those that our culture somehow dictates are OK. It is a waste and it's bad for the planet, maaaaan.

I've been trying to prepare myself for the eating of entrails as part of the planning for my future Greek adventure. Like the Chinese, Vietnamese etc, rural Greek cooking involves never throwing anything away, they eat the lot.

A mate of mine met a Hong Kong girl. Long story short - he went out there to meet the in-laws, they went to a restaurant off the beaten track, he spoke no Chinese and they no English, they ordered for the group, he knew some of it was snake, rat etc because his missus told him, but they stared at him with smiles on their faces every time he took a mouthful, proud of their culture and cuisine, desperate for him to like it. He didn't feel able to refuse given he was over there to claim her hand in marriage. He got through it and married her. That's love for you.

Rotterdam 1985 wrote:

Goodison_Gringo wrote:

Rotterdam 1985 wrote:

fourdoors wrote:

hairy cataract wrote:

fourdoors wrote:

Rotterdam 1985 wrote:

fourdoors wrote:So we need to get Dyche in for 18 months to clear the dead wood and build up some fitness, to be replaced by Bielsa for the 24-25 season. Jodie Comer can do all the media stuff so we Hairy can ogle her instead of Dyche. Then it's Gemma Hayes for the half-time shows and Tony Bellew can help Emma Hayes with the tea.

This is a pretty good summary, in two sentences, of over two pages of utter bollocks. Impressive.

Still can't believe we missed out on Rommel though.

Thanks. I listen to the blathering of mid-level German civil servants (who might also benefit from being managed by Rommel until the end of the season) for a living and try to decipher what they really want. You lot are remarkably lucid in comparison

I have quite an important question in that case.

What is "egg and chips" in German?  Asking for a friend.

I've been puzzling over this for several minutes.
That's not an innocent question. There's something rude in there somewhere, a pun or something, and I can't see it
1st answer: Ei und Pommes. But there's no innuendo there.
Ei und frites? And that sounds a bit like 'iron fritz' - which is neither funny nor rude
Pommes und Ei? Frites und Spiegelei?
"Ei" is slang for bollock, 'Pommes und Spiegelei' would therefore be translated back into English as 'Fries and Mirror Bollock'

I give up.

No, Iron Fritz isn't particularly funny, although has probably been used as a S*n headline at some point or other. But fries and mirror bollock is quite funny. A mirror is a type of carp, so could easily be a delicacy over there. Also I can imagine this coming up on Google translate while I'm desperately trying to decipher a German menu.

I have form here, you see? I studied French for 6 or 7 years at school, can't remember most of it, but I can get by in restaurants when I'm over there. I only did German for a year and now remember about four words only, and two of those are "Bayern" and "Muenchen." Anyhoo, one day me and a mate, on our European travels, sat down in a German restaurant and tried to work out the menu - they didn't have an English menu, and this is early 90's so no mobile phones to help us translate.

We were obviously trying to avoid ordering something like mirror bollock, so we studied the menu for quite some time; the waitress was smiling at first but had a stern look on her face when she came back over for a 4th or 5th time to basically demand that we order something. Eventually, we ordered what we thought was a meal. Two minutes later she returned with a white bread roll each, with a knob of butter on the side.

Years ago I was travelling in Vietnam with a mate. We were on a long overnight bus and stopped at a little restaurant in the middle of nowehere, absolutely starving. There was no English menu and with their alphabet you can't even make an educated guess, so we just pointed and hoped for the best. No idea what it was that we ate, but it filled the gap. Only after eating did I need a piss, so had to ask directions for the bog using the international sign for needing a waz. The girl pointed me through the kitchen and out the back. The kitchen was a big square room full of activity. Food was been prepped all around the perimeter and in the middle there was a huge pig pen with about 10 pot-bellied pigs wallowing in their own shit.  I'm still not sure whether it was better to have eaten first or gone for a piss first.

Yeah I agree with Judge on this, we are too squeamish about what we eat. I'm as bad as anyone, I'm not sure I'd want to be introduced to the pig before I chuck some mustard on it and eat it, but really if we are going to eat meat then we shouldn't pretend that the reality of the slaughter doesn't exist, and that the only parts we can eat are those that our culture somehow dictates are OK. It is a waste and it's bad for the planet, maaaaan.

I've been trying to prepare myself for the eating of entrails as part of the planning for my future Greek adventure. Like the Chinese, Vietnamese etc, rural Greek cooking involves never throwing anything away, they eat the lot.

A mate of mine met a Hong Kong girl. Long story short - he went out there to meet the in-laws, they went to a restaurant off the beaten track, he spoke no Chinese and they no English, they ordered for the group, he knew some of it was snake, rat etc because his missus told him, but they stared at him with smiles on their faces every time he took a mouthful, proud of their culture and cuisine, desperate for him to like it. He didn't feel able to refuse given he was over there to claim her hand in marriage. He got through it and married her. That's love for you.

Rotterdam 1985 wrote:

Goodison_Gringo wrote:

Rotterdam 1985 wrote:

fourdoors wrote:

hairy cataract wrote:

fourdoors wrote:

Rotterdam 1985 wrote:

fourdoors wrote:So we need to get Dyche in for 18 months to clear the dead wood and build up some fitness, to be replaced by Bielsa for the 24-25 season. Jodie Comer can do all the media stuff so we Hairy can ogle her instead of Dyche. Then it's Gemma Hayes for the half-time shows and Tony Bellew can help Emma Hayes with the tea.

This is a pretty good summary, in two sentences, of over two pages of utter bollocks. Impressive.

Still can't believe we missed out on Rommel though.

Thanks. I listen to the blathering of mid-level German civil servants (who might also benefit from being managed by Rommel until the end of the season) for a living and try to decipher what they really want. You lot are remarkably lucid in comparison

I have quite an important question in that case.

What is "egg and chips" in German?  Asking for a friend.

I've been puzzling over this for several minutes.
That's not an innocent question. There's something rude in there somewhere, a pun or something, and I can't see it
1st answer: Ei und Pommes. But there's no innuendo there.
Ei und frites? And that sounds a bit like 'iron fritz' - which is neither funny nor rude
Pommes und Ei? Frites und Spiegelei?
"Ei" is slang for bollock, 'Pommes und Spiegelei' would therefore be translated back into English as 'Fries and Mirror Bollock'

I give up.

No, Iron Fritz isn't particularly funny, although has probably been used as a S*n headline at some point or other. But fries and mirror bollock is quite funny. A mirror is a type of carp, so could easily be a delicacy over there. Also I can imagine this coming up on Google translate while I'm desperately trying to decipher a German menu.

I have form here, you see? I studied French for 6 or 7 years at school, can't remember most of it, but I can get by in restaurants when I'm over there. I only did German for a year and now remember about four words only, and two of those are "Bayern" and "Muenchen." Anyhoo, one day me and a mate, on our European travels, sat down in a German restaurant and tried to work out the menu - they didn't have an English menu, and this is early 90's so no mobile phones to help us translate.

We were obviously trying to avoid ordering something like mirror bollock, so we studied the menu for quite some time; the waitress was smiling at first but had a stern look on her face when she came back over for a 4th or 5th time to basically demand that we order something. Eventually, we ordered what we thought was a meal. Two minutes later she returned with a white bread roll each, with a knob of butter on the side.

Years ago I was travelling in Vietnam with a mate. We were on a long overnight bus and stopped at a little restaurant in the middle of nowehere, absolutely starving. There was no English menu and with their alphabet you can't even make an educated guess, so we just pointed and hoped for the best. No idea what it was that we ate, but it filled the gap. Only after eating did I need a piss, so had to ask directions for the bog using the international sign for needing a waz. The girl pointed me through the kitchen and out the back. The kitchen was a big square room full of activity. Food was been prepped all around the perimeter and in the middle there was a huge pig pen with about 10 pot-bellied pigs wallowing in their own shit.  I'm still not sure whether it was better to have eaten first or gone for a piss first.

Yeah I agree with Judge on this, we are too squeamish about what we eat. I'm as bad as anyone, I'm not sure I'd want to be introduced to the pig before I chuck some mustard on it and eat it, but really if we are going to eat meat then we shouldn't pretend that the reality of the slaughter doesn't exist, and that the only parts we can eat are those that our culture somehow dictates are OK. It is a waste and it's bad for the planet, maaaaan.

I've been trying to prepare myself for the eating of entrails as part of the planning for my future Greek adventure. Like the Chinese, Vietnamese etc, rural Greek cooking involves never throwing anything away, they eat the lot.

A mate of mine met a Hong Kong girl. Long story short - he went out there to meet the in-laws, they went to a restaurant off the beaten track, he spoke no Chinese and they no English, they ordered for the group, he knew some of it was snake, rat etc because his missus told him, but they stared at him with smiles on their faces every time he took a mouthful, proud of their culture and cuisine, desperate for him to like it. He didn't feel able to refuse given he was over there to claim her hand in marriage. He got through it and married her. That's love for you.

Goodison_Gringo wrote:

Rotterdam 1985 wrote:

Goodison_Gringo wrote:

Rotterdam 1985 wrote:

fourdoors wrote:

hairy cataract wrote:

fourdoors wrote:

Rotterdam 1985 wrote:

fourdoors wrote:So we need to get Dyche in for 18 months to clear the dead wood and build up some fitness, to be replaced by Bielsa for the 24-25 season. Jodie Comer can do all the media stuff so we Hairy can ogle her instead of Dyche. Then it's Gemma Hayes for the half-time shows and Tony Bellew can help Emma Hayes with the tea.

This is a pretty good summary, in two sentences, of over two pages of utter bollocks. Impressive.

Still can't believe we missed out on Rommel though.

Thanks. I listen to the blathering of mid-level German civil servants (who might also benefit from being managed by Rommel until the end of the season) for a living and try to decipher what they really want. You lot are remarkably lucid in comparison

I have quite an important question in that case.

What is "egg and chips" in German?  Asking for a friend.

I've been puzzling over this for several minutes.
That's not an innocent question. There's something rude in there somewhere, a pun or something, and I can't see it
1st answer: Ei und Pommes. But there's no innuendo there.
Ei und frites? And that sounds a bit like 'iron fritz' - which is neither funny nor rude
Pommes und Ei? Frites und Spiegelei?
"Ei" is slang for bollock, 'Pommes und Spiegelei' would therefore be translated back into English as 'Fries and Mirror Bollock'

I give up.

No, Iron Fritz isn't particularly funny, although has probably been used as a S*n headline at some point or other. But fries and mirror bollock is quite funny. A mirror is a type of carp, so could easily be a delicacy over there. Also I can imagine this coming up on Google translate while I'm desperately trying to decipher a German menu.

I have form here, you see? I studied French for 6 or 7 years at school, can't remember most of it, but I can get by in restaurants when I'm over there. I only did German for a year and now remember about four words only, and two of those are "Bayern" and "Muenchen." Anyhoo, one day me and a mate, on our European travels, sat down in a German restaurant and tried to work out the menu - they didn't have an English menu, and this is early 90's so no mobile phones to help us translate.

We were obviously trying to avoid ordering something like mirror bollock, so we studied the menu for quite some time; the waitress was smiling at first but had a stern look on her face when she came back over for a 4th or 5th time to basically demand that we order something. Eventually, we ordered what we thought was a meal. Two minutes later she returned with a white bread roll each, with a knob of butter on the side.

Years ago I was travelling in Vietnam with a mate. We were on a long overnight bus and stopped at a little restaurant in the middle of nowehere, absolutely starving. There was no English menu and with their alphabet you can't even make an educated guess, so we just pointed and hoped for the best. No idea what it was that we ate, but it filled the gap. Only after eating did I need a piss, so had to ask directions for the bog using the international sign for needing a waz. The girl pointed me through the kitchen and out the back. The kitchen was a big square room full of activity. Food was been prepped all around the perimeter and in the middle there was a huge pig pen with about 10 pot-bellied pigs wallowing in their own shit.  I'm still not sure whether it was better to have eaten first or gone for a piss first.

Yeah I agree with Judge on this, we are too squeamish about what we eat. I'm as bad as anyone, I'm not sure I'd want to be introduced to the pig before I chuck some mustard on it and eat it, but really if we are going to eat meat then we shouldn't pretend that the reality of the slaughter doesn't exist, and that the only parts we can eat are those that our culture somehow dictates are OK. It is a waste and it's bad for the planet, maaaaan.

I've been trying to prepare myself for the eating of entrails as part of the planning for my future Greek adventure. Like the Chinese, Vietnamese etc, rural Greek cooking involves never throwing anything away, they eat the lot.

A mate of mine met a Hong Kong girl. Long story short - he went out there to meet the in-laws, they went to a restaurant off the beaten track, he spoke no Chinese and they no English, they ordered for the group, he knew some of it was snake, rat etc because his missus told him, but they stared at him with smiles on their faces every time he took a mouthful, proud of their culture and cuisine, desperate for him to like it. He didn't feel able to refuse given he was over there to claim her hand in marriage. He got through it and married her. That's love for you.

If eating meat is unsustainable then the amount that we waste in the UK is criminal. In Peru anticuchos (beef hearts on a kebab stick, usually served with corn, potato and loads of chilli sauce) are a popular street food. They are sometimes accompanied with chopped entrails which are marinaded in spices and fried. I guess it's their version of fish 'n' chips.

Anyway, we were over in the UK for most of last summer, so one day I thought I'd try and procure some and stick them on the bbq. I went to the local independent butchers in town and even they told me that I needed to order a couple of weeks in advance. What do they do with this stuff normally? It's not like every cow they slaughter is heartless (although perhaps post-Brexit we can now get genetically modified cows from the States?)

Also, being squemish about eating certain parts of animals has never made any sense to me. If you're happy to eat a slab of cow leg muscle, why would you be turned off eating it's heart, stomach, cock, etc., ok maybe not cock.

Da Judge wrote:Fuck me - not sure how we do it ... but that is a hell of a diversion from OP heading. We should congratulate ourselves, we are modern day Marie Antoinette's. For all the troubles in the arrondissements that we have - we have literally just offered up "let them eat pig"

Amazing talent or tone-deafness not sure yet...

Rotterdam 1985 wrote:

Da Judge wrote:Fuck me - not sure how we do it ... but that is a hell of a diversion from OP heading. We should congratulate ourselves, we are modern day Marie Antoinette's. For all the troubles in the arrondissements that we have - we have literally just offered up "let them eat pig"

Amazing talent or tone-deafness not sure yet...

 Going off on tangents is what we do best on this board.

Made 4 Gwladys wrote:

Rotterdam 1985 wrote:

Da Judge wrote:Fuck me - not sure how we do it ... but that is a hell of a diversion from OP heading. We should congratulate ourselves, we are modern day Marie Antoinette's. For all the troubles in the arrondissements that we have - we have literally just offered up "let them eat pig"

Amazing talent or tone-deafness not sure yet...

 Going off on tangents is what we do best on this board.

any photos of Jody Comer to be shared here ??