Villa v Everton

M4G's glory run came to an end with the Fulham defeat, so I'm kicking this one off.

My record when opening the match threads last season was something like P17 W0 D1 L16. But I've put in a lot of work in the off-season and I intend to pull my finger out from here on in.

This is the most venerable of all league games, the most frequently-played fixture in English league football, this is our 211th league meeting and every single one of them has been in the top flight. 76 wins, 55 draws and 79 defeats, if you were wondering. But we haven't beaten them since they came up in 2019. Two draws and six defeats since then. That record sucks balls and we need to fucking fix it. WHO'S WITH ME? FUCKING INTO THEM BLUES.

Ahem...Positives - we battered Fulham without scoring (or so I'm led to believe - I was supping a banana daiquiri on a Greek beach at the time, oblivious to your suffering). Villa got twatted first game up, and have lost a couple of key players to long-term injuries in Buendia and Mings. DCL should play. Therefore Maupay shouldn't.

Negatives - we're shite, and they're not.

I think we can nick something from this (i have a funny feeling that Bubbles may disagree). In fairness I have no logic to back that up, just a hunch. So I'm going for an entertaining draw. Villa 3 (Mortimer, Watkins, McMahon OG) Everton 3 (Darracott, Doucoure, McMahon OG).

I can only assume that as you were almost solely responsible for our predicament last season with your match thread record that you have passed the Dyche pre-season puke up in training test... probably in Greece after a dodgy kebab and 20 or so local vodka dark rum combos.

If we lose you should be advised that we will request an order from da Judge on this matter, which I have to say is more worrying than a thing that is worrying that we all worry about. I know that he will act favorably as his bribe pot should be running low by now.

However, conversely you could be the person to turn Maupey from a total useless tosspot to a premiership legend and superstar.

Looking at the comprehensive and in depth negatives you state above, I have to agree that these are factual... therefore 2-1 to Villa

COYB

Bearing in mind that we lost to Fulham, who yesterday were spanked 3-0 at home, I predict a similar 3-0 defeat for us today.

We were okay against Fulham, though I had a horrible feeling throughout the game that we were missing the obvious - and I don't mean the goal - in that Fulham were fucking dreadful.  No team gave up more chances than them last season, so it was probably our best chance all season to score a goal.  But we didn't.

On that basis, and the basis that we are incapable of making a sensible new signing, so will field the usual useless starting eleven, Villa will be licking their lips.  They are a very good team, and will not be the the only team to get mauled by the Saudi Barcodes this season.  

We're fucked.

Well we wont score and they definitely will. That usually leads to one result.

I'm considering creating a breakaway message board. You know how you sometimes see groups formed that appear to be a contradiction in terms? Like "Tories who Love the NHS" or "Mexicans 4 Trump"? Yeah it'll be along those lines.

I'll call it "Everton Optimists" and we'll have threads like "Maupay's Coming Good" and "Top 10 Kenwright Decisions". It'll be great. Oh, just one non-negotiable rule - post-match discussions will be banned. Just to keep the vibe upbeat.

Glass man starts ... our new child not even on the bench yet

Great to see DCL starting. Being that he hasn't played that much, not sure how sharp he'll be.

And we are underway!

Probably a couple of minutes behind on the feed compared to real time.

Villa corner right away.

And another corner after a short first corner.

Pretty even first 8-9 minutes.

DCL and Martinez (Villa goalie) collide when going for a cross. Both are down on the ground requiring treatment.

Martinez is up while DCL is still down.

Maupay better start warming up. And he does.

DCL is still down getting some ice on his cheek.

Luiz booked after dragging down Young.

Fook, 1-0.

So, after that McGinn goal, what's our response going to be?

It was truly Villa's first chance and they convert.

Young is limping.

Villa penalty.

VAR confirms Villa penalty.

Luiz to take it but before he can take it, Pickford is booked for interference.

2-0.

Well, 24 minutes in, 2-0.

Now what?

Gonna be a looooooong season. Unless we are down by Xmas. Fucking awful.

Knight of Thorgothshire wrote:Well, 24 minutes in, 2-0.

Now what?

More Villa goals??. Or we can bring all our amazing talent off the bench. Mopey? Mykolenko?

Almost 3-0 as Villa waltz through the Everton defense.

We sure have a tendency to make opposing teams look like Barcelona in their heyday.