Everton v Bournemouth

Ok, I got a draw in the last match thread v Wolves thanks to Yerry's 99th minute goal, so the responsibility to start the thread falls to me.

I guess that means I'll keep us up.... or be responsible for the relegation of our great club.

I stole this off Armchair on another thread... >. DCL and Patterson confirmed as out. Myko doubtful. Onana fit.


Basically ..

we win = we stay up

we draw / Leicester win = we're relegated
we draw / Leeds win by 3 goals = we're relegated

we lose / Leicester or Leeds win by any margin = we are relegated


I'm sure you all are too ... but I'm shitting my undercrackers & it's only Friday evening.

I really feel for those of you who are going to the game... Len >> get the Bullens rocking on a positive vibe !


I am genuinely praying this weekend.

COYB / UTFT ... please, please, please !!

It's like someone close to you is really ill, and all your friends are worrying for you. I keep getting messages and emails from people telling me they're thinking about me, and hope it goes okay on Sunday etc.

This is fucking ridiculous, it's only football.

But, yes, I am shitting myself.

Yeah me too, I'm shitting myself.

I find that it manifests itself in two ways - first of all there is the persistent, low-level, subconscious feeling of dread. It's not always in the forefront of my mind but it's there, like a weight on your shoulders or a knot in your stomach.

At other times it hits me in a very real, conscious way, randomly and out of nowhere. I could be on a work call chatting about something completely unrelated to football and all of a sudden it hits me like some mad existential panic attack.

As Hairy says, it's only football. But maybe this is the flipside of all that (usually positive) "born not manufactured" stuff. We can try to talk ourselves into thinking it's only a game, not life or death, but it means a lot to us whether we like it or not, whether we try to deny it to ourselves or not. In a sense, Everton is like herpes. Once infected, it never goes away. It won't kill us but it's frequently embarrassing and a pain in the arse to have to deal with. Err, according to articles I've read.  

We had a family get together yesterday, for my little brother's 50th. My older brother, who has season tickets, told us that if we're losing with 10 minutes to go and heading down, he's getting out of there, even if that risks missing some miracle comeback. Like me, he's never been one to leave a game early even when we're losing, but he said he just doesn't want to be in that ground and have to deal with the toxicity if it looks like we're going to go. I know what he means.

With DCL confirmed to be out, I have massive concerns regarding where the goals are coming from.

I can see Leicester win. I can even see Leeds win. Not sure I can see us win. A draw is likely the best we can hope for considering the lack of goal threats and then hope that neither Leicester nor Leeds manage to win.

Shitting. Bricks.

Azul's match preview on Grand Old Team is always an enjoyable read...

https://www.grandoldteam.com/2023/05/26/everton-v-bournemouth-preview-2/

Included in this is a very clever cartoon which speaks to the state of this fucking squad of ours. Who would ever have thought that a fit Myko could be critical to our chances of surviving relegation? Absolute incompetence and neglect of a squad and a football club by a board that's simply not fit for purpose.

I'll get the anger out of my system today. Tomorrow will doubtless be an interchangeable mélange of blind positivity and resigned depression.

I'm going to be on a train travelling through France tomorrow afternoon. Which is probably the best place to be.

Reading about Luton and Coventry does give a bit of perspective to our situation though. Coventry were a fourth tier club not so long ago, and are on about the fifth ground move since Highfield Road. Luton were non league at one point, and have a shit hole of a ground with a capacity of about 350.

We all think it's the end of the world if we go down, but it isn't. I know fans of other clubs talk about our sense of entitlement, and they do have a point. Sure, we're a big club, but the joy of football is - or should be - that it doesn't always go to form. A Luton Town can win the League Cup, then drop down to playing against pub teams, then be back on the brink of a £140m promotion to the top tier.

If we go down, the actual event will be utterly traumatic, and a huge fuss will be made about it, by our fans and by the media. But, whatever happens, I'd love to see a change of mindset at the club and among the fans. We had our go at cracking the top 6 when Moshiri came in, and it was a disaster. Now, in my opinion, we need to look again at who we are, and what we want to be. If we go down, I hope it isn't all bluster and panic in an attempt to go straight back up. Luton's total wage bill is less than £10m. No, that's not a mistake - the entire wage bill is less than we pay two of our central defenders. Their ground has a quarter the capacity of ours, and one of the stand entrances is through Mrs Patel's newsagents (almost).

We are a community based club, like Luton. We're not an international brand like the Shite etc - though of course we have a good contingent of worldwide fans, like every club. But if we think of ourselves as, or aspire to be, a giant Luton rather than a crap Red Shite, perhaps we'll find our way again.

In theory I've spent today "chilling" - sat on my arse watching Dortmund blow the Bundesliga in the most Dortmund way possible, then watching a decent play-off final - but naturally, tomorrow has never been far from the forefront of my mind, all day.

Thinking about it earlier, one thing struck me as being pretty important tomorrow, and that's don't concede early. Get to half-time 0-0, that's absolutely fine. Don't turn Goodison into a pit of worry by going 1-0 down early on. We want the crowd to be hopeful and encouraging, not angry and disparaging. Don't give Leicester and Leeds (and Bournemouth, for that matter) any more encouragement than they need.

A 0-0 might even be enough for us if results elsewhere look like they're going our way. We're all thinking where the goals are coming from. I'm thinking one, we might only need one, and that can come from a corner or a penalty or a Gray worldie or whatever. If we have to wait until the 78th minute for that goal, well OK. We just can't afford to do what we did against Wimbledon, or Palace, and give ourselves a mountain to climb. Dortmund did that to themselves today, they only had to win at home to win the league but they went 2-0 down early, they kept their rivals believing, and they ran out of time to fix it.

Rotterdam 1985 wrote:In theory I've spent today "chilling" - sat on my arse watching Dortmund blow the Bundesliga in the most Dortmund way possible, then watching a decent play-off final - but naturally, tomorrow has never been far from the forefront of my mind, all day.

Thinking about it earlier, one thing struck me as being pretty important tomorrow, and that's don't concede early. Get to half-time 0-0, that's absolutely fine. Don't turn Goodison into a pit of worry by going 1-0 down early on. We want the crowd to be hopeful and encouraging, not angry and disparaging. Don't give Leicester and Leeds (and Bournemouth, for that matter) any more encouragement than they need.

A 0-0 might even be enough for us if results elsewhere look like they're going our way. We're all thinking where the goals are coming from. I'm thinking one, we might only need one, and that can come from a corner or a penalty or a Gray worldie or whatever. If we have to wait until the 78th minute for that goal, well OK. We just can't afford to do what we did against Wimbledon, or Palace, and give ourselves a mountain to climb. Dortmund did that to themselves today, they only had to win at home to win the league but they went 2-0 down early, they kept their rivals believing, and they ran out of time to fix it.

Definitely true. And, luckily, we have the manager for it. Dyche makes no apologies for loving 1-0s, it's his favourite scoreline. While I'm sure he'll tell the team to start with intensity, I'm pretty sure he'll also tell them that the main thing is to keep it tight.

My daughter's boyfriend has a massive Fantasy Premier League (or whatever it's called) rivalry with his best mate, and he's 40 points behind going into the last set of games. He told me he was thinking of putting Dwight McNeil in his team cos Everton have to win and he thought he'd be the most likely scorer. My advice was to pick Tarkowski over McNeil, because the latter is likely to be playing as defensive wing back, and our best chance of a goal is from a set piece. Even if Tarks doesn't score one, there's a good chance of him getting an assist. Anyway, I'm hoping he beats his mate. The alternative is probably him dumping my daughter and her blaming me.

totally bricking it for today, we should never have got in this dire position
IF somehow we can stay in prem, MASSIVE changes need to be made from the top down to players,

i think a lot will depend on the only good thing to come out of the club this season = THE FANS
i hope it is the bearpit atmosphere needed and they drag the team to a victory of any sort

not confident tho i feel leicester will win needing us to win as well

I'm sure I've mentioned this before on this board, but I've long had this theory that the anticipation of an event, or an achievement, is often more exciting than the realisation of that achievement. It's a theory that first struck me in the mid-80's, in two ways - relating to Everton winning trophies, and me entering the job market. Actually winning those trophies sometimes felt a little bit anticlimactic compared to the excitement that we might win them. It was the same, I found, with job applications and interviews.

In recent years I've read one or two plausible theories that this is also what motivates conspiracy theorists. It's the thought that they might be right that gives them the dopamine hit. If any of their theories were actually proven to be right (or wrong) then that's nowhere near as exciting for them. They'd just move onto another unproven topic anyway if that were the case, which may explain why I often see crackpots on social media who have an interest in, and an unwavering opinion on, many different conspiracy theories - QAnon, anti-vax, great replacement theory, woke blob liberal elites etc. It's like a bingo card. The more "maybes" floating around in their little brains, the more excitement they derive from them.

What does this have to do with Everton v Bournemouth at 4.30pm today? Well I'm just wondering if my theory works the other way round, for bad stuff as well as good. and whether the fear of relegation will prove to be a worse feeling than relegation itself. We'll know, we'll have certainty. That nagging fear we've felt all season will be gone, to be replaced with an actual fixed scenario. There will still be concerns about the future of course, especially relating to finance. But that immediate sense of dread may be replaced with something more manageable and palatable.

Just a theory. I continue to shit my pants but the thought that this will all be over one way or another in four hours' time is actually quite comforting and appealing.

Rotterdam 1985 wrote:I'm sure I've mentioned this before on this board, but I've long had this theory that the anticipation of an event, or an achievement, is often more exciting than the realisation of that achievement. It's a theory that first struck me in the mid-80's, in two ways - relating to Everton winning trophies, and me entering the job market. Actually winning those trophies sometimes felt a little bit anticlimactic compared to the excitement that we might win them. It was the same, I found, with job applications and interviews.

In recent years I've read one or two plausible theories that this is also what motivates conspiracy theorists. It's the thought that they might be right that gives them the dopamine hit. If any of their theories were actually proven to be right (or wrong) then that's nowhere near as exciting for them. They'd just move onto another unproven topic anyway if that were the case, which may explain why I often see crackpots on social media who have an interest in, and an unwavering opinion on, many different conspiracy theories - QAnon, anti-vax, great replacement theory, woke blob liberal elites etc. It's like a bingo card. The more "maybes" floating around in their little brains, the more excitement they derive from them.

What does this have to do with Everton v Bournemouth at 4.30pm today? Well I'm just wondering if my theory works the other way round, for bad stuff as well as good. and whether the fear of relegation will prove to be a worse feeling than relegation itself. We'll know, we'll have certainty. That nagging fear we've felt all season will be gone, to be replaced with an actual fixed scenario. There will still be concerns about the future of course, especially relating to finance. But that immediate sense of dread may be replaced with something more manageable and palatable.

Just a theory. I continue to shit my pants but the thought that this will all be over one way or another in four hours' time is actually quite comforting and appealing.

Meanwhile my eldest is dealing with this portentous, potentially calamitous day in a way I wish I'd thought of - by going out on the piss till 4am last night and then sleeping through most of the day. At the time of writing (2.15pm) he's still in bed. Smart move. He'll emerge about half an hour before kick off, still too bleary-eyed to feel any immediate concern.

Ah the feeling of existential dread. Just back from lunch at the pub with my dad. Managed to forget about this for as long as was reasonable, but you can’t hide forever.

I’m with you Rotts, the fallout, media coverage and general gnashing of teeth will be worse than visiting West Brom or Sunderland. However, as it’s us you just know that people will be dissecting it for the whole of next season and we’ll beyond if we don’t go up straight away. This, in many ways, will be the worst thing about it.

OK... the villains... or the heros

COYB

our bench is amazingly weak

Coady is an interesting choice. Keane has gradually dropped down the pecking.
Not going to tye game today. One knee op and a couple of eye injections (please do not ask for details) put me in front of a TV with no firestick and this computer.
What a scary day. I just hope the tension in the crowd does not contaminate the pitch.
COYBs and IDWT.
Also IMWT and all else.

Made 4 Gwladys wrote:our bench is amazingly weak

Don’t actually know who McAllister is. Am I being stupid? Hopefully it’s the World Cup winner from Brighton.

I'll be watching the game on the TV here in the US. It'll be a very nervous watch unless we have a repeat (for us) of the Brighton away game!

West Ham team news is encouraging. Pretty strong XI.

praying

Listen to that crowd!!!!

And we are underway!

UTFT

spurs score

Spurs 1-0 up!