Tottenham v Everton

I just cheered myself up after today's rodgering by watching 1984 on Amazon Prime. First time I've seen it since, well, around about 1984.

I needed some light relief. It got me thinking though - I like the concept of the "unperson", totally expunged from history, purely from an Everton point of view. There's a lot to delete from our recent past, but where to start? Room 101 ideas required for Moshiri, Benitez, Barmby etc.

And anyway, extending the logic of 1984 (war is peace, freedom is slavery and all that) I decree that shite is great, and therefore we're not bottom of the league, we're top.

Sorry, I'm rambling, talking complete shite. But what else is there to do or say right now, other than ramble? It beats analysing Michael Keane.

Armchair wrote:

Knight of Thorgothshire wrote:

callmebubbles wrote:Wow, we are way worse than i thoufht!!! Absolutely fucking shite. Not really any hope of survival. Dire and no positives!!

I thought that Armstrong showed some glimpses of creativity and composure during the few minutes he was on the pitch. I know, grasping at straws here, but still.

How did Roman Dixon do?

He was up against that young Dutch player, Obigart, or something like that. Anyway, that dude is fast as fook, so any defender would have struggled at times. He didn't look too nervous and ventured forward one time with the ball and lost it when he ran into some Spurs defenders. Overall, not an easy game but he did enough to warrant additional opportunities.

Couple of questions after yesterday.
Has a team ever lost every single prem game and not scored a single goal throughout the season?

Is Michael Keane the worst defender in the history of the club? And we've had some stinkers!

callmebubbles wrote:Couple of questions after yesterday.
Has a team ever lost every single prem game and not scored a single goal throughout the season?

Is Michael Keane the worst defender in the history of the club? And we've had some stinkers!

This is probably the earliest we've ever seen Peak Bubbles, and I've been following his work for many years now. We're not even out of August yet.

I accept that there is nothing to feel positive about right now. I've read the Dyche book before though. We'll be in the shit, everything will look hopeless, and then he'll suddenly conjure a run of 7 wins from 11 games from somewhere with McNeil looking like Puskas and the defence as impenetrable as the Berlin Wall, and we'll lift ourselves up to 12th. We'll all be talking about "only being 3 points behind Brighton" and the Europe word might even get thrown around a bit. We'll then not score for 6 games and get dicked at home by Ipswich and we'll be back in the shit. We'll then need to win one of our remaining two home games to save ourselves and we'll do it at great cost to our stress levels. This isn't just based on last season - this happened a couple of times at Burnley too.

Someone (Hairy maybe?) recently said something along the lines that Dyche almost needs us to be in dire straits before he can implement "Operation One Trick Pony" and dig us out of the mess by playing pure 100% Dycheball. I'm not suggesting Dyche is deliberately playing Keane to create this state of affairs - "let's lose 5 on the bounce so that I have an excuse for doing what I do" - but it's a theory that speaks to his limitations.

I'm sat here waiting for that 7th place season that he managed (in similar straitened financial circumstances) at Burnley once or twice. There's no guarantee he'll be able to do that again though. And it feels like a different league these days. Back then, Burnley may have been the only small club punching above their weight in the PL. Now we have Fulham, Bournemouth, Brighton and Brentford all doing it. West Ham and Palace, who have not been averse to relegation battles in the past, are solid, mid-table or better. There is less leeway available to us, and less scope for a team with serious limitations and playing a relatively prehistoric brand of football to shock the world and crack the top half.

This is, I think, the most painful part of our bad start this season - not so much the awful results and performances, but the fact that we did bring in a couple of players this summer who could have given us a bit more joy, and added some much-needed creativity to the team. If Ndiaye and Lindstrom can't be trusted to do the work Dyche wants, they shouldn't have been signed. If they are grafters, then what do we lose by sticking them in and trying to take the initiative in games, rather than focusing on "shape" and "workrate" to the exclusion of everything else? I've long thought (or rather, hoped) that Dyche, like Moyes, would become a little bit more expansive when he had the players to do so. The evidence so far this season is that he genuinely doesn't want to do that, to take himself out of his comfort zone. It's dispiriting.

In answer to your questions Bubbles:

1. Don't be silly. We'll score at least five goals this season, maybe six. As per above, we've got our six-game winning streak to look forward to after all.
2. Quite possibly, in that the legendary Glen Keeley was only one game, Kroldrup pretty much the same, and the only other CB I can recall who comes close to being as consistently bad as Keane is currently being kept out of the team by Keane. I think it's a toss-up between the two of them, Keane and Holgate. I actually miss Godfrey. There is no excuse for this latest Keane experiment with O'Brien on the bench, none whatsoever.

I’ve only seen the goals but I feel no need to inflict any more than that on myself. Anyway, only two games in and, to be fair to us, Brighton look good and Spurs have some quality players - and both teams have outspent us about tenfold this summer. We’re not the only team on zero points either.

So no need to panic. Yet. If we get tonked 4-0 by Bournemouth than I’m prepared to begin Operation We’re Fucked.

I was looking for Palmer to thump in another 2 goals, and we would have elevated ourselves to 19th.
So, 5 teams on zero points.
A lot to play for........