9 - Dominic Calvert-Lewin - always fucking injured

Rotterdam 1985 wrote:

Made 4 Gwladys wrote:DCL - broken yet again


Dominic Calvert-Lewin set for injury 'scan' as Everton face anxious Merseyside Derby wait
After struggling with his fitness for the past 18 months, the 25-year-old is now set be assessed by the medical staff at Finch Farm early this week. Asked about Calvert-Lewin’s physical condition after previously outlining in his post-match press conference that the player had been suffering with a hamstring issue, Dyche said: “We will have to wait and see. I don't think it is a drastic one but he needs to settle it down so we will probably give it two days before we scan it just as a precaution at this stage.”
“His body is getting stronger. He’s niggled his hamstring which was a risk and reward situation because he's been a bit up and down with that.
“We said just give us a chance to work with you and you will get stronger. We talked about the basic principles, we showed him the goal reels and said ‘look where you are where you have scored goals.’
“We showed him the goal map and said to him ‘look where you are: get between the sticks.’ Sometimes you can strip things out of the game, you can do all the analytics, but sometimes it is just a case of being in the right place, it gives you a better chance to score.

Even here, Dyche is hitting the right notes. Two things - basically, the previous regime was shite with the medical stuff, we'll be better. And also, you're a number 9 so let's strip out some of the unnecessary running you have to do when you're up there isolated, stay in the box and bag some goals. The rest will take some of that running off of your plate.

Yeah, I;m loving Sean more every day. I want to marry him too,

Rotterdam 1985 wrote:

Made 4 Gwladys wrote:DCL - broken yet again


Dominic Calvert-Lewin set for injury 'scan' as Everton face anxious Merseyside Derby wait
After struggling with his fitness for the past 18 months, the 25-year-old is now set be assessed by the medical staff at Finch Farm early this week. Asked about Calvert-Lewin’s physical condition after previously outlining in his post-match press conference that the player had been suffering with a hamstring issue, Dyche said: “We will have to wait and see. I don't think it is a drastic one but he needs to settle it down so we will probably give it two days before we scan it just as a precaution at this stage.”
“His body is getting stronger. He’s niggled his hamstring which was a risk and reward situation because he's been a bit up and down with that.
“We said just give us a chance to work with you and you will get stronger. We talked about the basic principles, we showed him the goal reels and said ‘look where you are where you have scored goals.’
“We showed him the goal map and said to him ‘look where you are: get between the sticks.’ Sometimes you can strip things out of the game, you can do all the analytics, but sometimes it is just a case of being in the right place, it gives you a better chance to score.

Even here, Dyche is hitting the right notes. Two things - basically, the previous regime was shite with the medical stuff, we'll be better. And also, you're a number 9 so let's strip out some of the unnecessary running you have to do when you're up there isolated, stay in the box and bag some goals. The rest will take some of that running off of your plate.

THis was exactly what Ancellotti told him to do. It seems to have got lost somewhere between Lampard and injuries.

Still injured according to Dyche. No sign of when he might be fit again. We have nothing up front, no focal point at all.

We're relegated.

Rotterdam 1985 wrote:

hairy cataract wrote:Still injured according to Dyche.  No sign of when he might be fit again.  We have nothing up front, no focal point at all.

We're relegated.

Simms against the Shite - he had that one half-chance in the first half when Matip air-kicked a clearance. He didn't look at all convincing or composed in how he dealt with that.

He had a couple of nice touches as the half progressed. Outside of that he was too isolated, even when he won a challenge or a flick-on, to make anything he did count for much.

He doesn't look particularly mobile, and he's no DCL in the air. Matip won more than his fair share of aerial duels.

Probably a bit harsh to judge him on an hour at Anfield when we didn't play particularly well. I think he's obviously more useful for what Dyche wants to do than Maupay. But now I've seen him in the flesh, my hopes aren't high for him, he's not a PL player for me.

So the options are Simms, Maupay, or some kind of emergency lump up front. Yeah I think we're pretty much fucked. Because this isn't just a question of who can get on the end of chances in the box, but who can hold the ball up until the midfield cavalry arrive. I just don't see how we'll be able to keep the ball in the opposition half for long enough to create chances, even against the likes of Leeds and Villa, never mind the Shite.

My kingdom for a Michail Antonio. The last time I saw Antonio playing for West Ham, given our own striker shortage, to my eyes he looked like Latchford or Lukaku. That's the thing about deprivation, it makes you hallucinate.

I'm completely without hope today.  It comes and goes, but today I just think we are doomed.  Simms is useless.  Maupay is useless.  We've lost Gordon, Richarlison and DCL since last season, and we were shit last season.

Dyche actually annoyed me in the press conference today.  When questioned about our lack of strikers, he was banging on about how hard it is to bring a player in, how few strikers there are, how he was physically present when the club were doing everything they could to bring in a forward at the end of January.  But that's just fucking bullshit.  Every other club was signing players like they were collecting Dinky toys.  We were the only ones who seemed incapable of getting in bodies.

Sure, the other clubs may well have signed some crap, but do their squads look weaker than ours?  Do they fuck.  We've got nobody to play up front, and nobody on the bench to replace that nobody at 60 minutes.  

Leeds will simply not be fearing us on Saturday.  Their team talk will be: "Ok lads, let's not underestimate these.  I mean they are absolutely laughably fucking terrible, but remember when Colchester beat us in 1971?  Well, obviously, you don't remember that, you probably don't know where Leeds is on a map, let alone Colchester, but what I'm saying is, even the worst team might get lucky.  So imagine you're playing, like, Leeds Womens team today, okay?  Of course you will beat them but, something weird might happen so don't get too complacent.  Having said that, I'm only asking nine of you to play, should be enough to be three up by half time. Off you go boys, fill yer boots".

Anyway, Dyche.  I actually think he's just going through the motions.  He's probably got one eye on next season in the Championship.  

DCL?  I think he'll quietly retire at the end of the season and become a TV pundit or a TikTok influencer.

Big question: Does anyone wish we'd kept Rondon?

Tonteau wrote:Big question: Does anyone wish we'd kept Rondon?

Rondon, Tosun, Niasse, Sandro, Moise Kean. Utter shite, but each of them better than anyone we start with on Saturday.

we need to play 2 up... 4-4-2 may just give us a chance & some support for the ineffective to date lone striker

Simms & Maupey ... both not really up to standard on their own... but maybe together could be a nuisance ?

hairy cataract wrote:

Rotterdam 1985 wrote:

hairy cataract wrote:Still injured according to Dyche.  No sign of when he might be fit again.  We have nothing up front, no focal point at all.

We're relegated.

Simms against the Shite - he had that one half-chance in the first half when Matip air-kicked a clearance. He didn't look at all convincing or composed in how he dealt with that.

He had a couple of nice touches as the half progressed. Outside of that he was too isolated, even when he won a challenge or a flick-on, to make anything he did count for much.

He doesn't look particularly mobile, and he's no DCL in the air. Matip won more than his fair share of aerial duels.

Probably a bit harsh to judge him on an hour at Anfield when we didn't play particularly well. I think he's obviously more useful for what Dyche wants to do than Maupay. But now I've seen him in the flesh, my hopes aren't high for him, he's not a PL player for me.

So the options are Simms, Maupay, or some kind of emergency lump up front. Yeah I think we're pretty much fucked. Because this isn't just a question of who can get on the end of chances in the box, but who can hold the ball up until the midfield cavalry arrive. I just don't see how we'll be able to keep the ball in the opposition half for long enough to create chances, even against the likes of Leeds and Villa, never mind the Shite.

My kingdom for a Michail Antonio. The last time I saw Antonio playing for West Ham, given our own striker shortage, to my eyes he looked like Latchford or Lukaku. That's the thing about deprivation, it makes you hallucinate.

I'm completely without hope today.  It comes and goes, but today I just think we are doomed.  Simms is useless.  Maupay is useless.  We've lost Gordon, Richarlison and DCL since last season, and we were shit last season.

Dyche actually annoyed me in the press conference today.  When questioned about our lack of strikers, he was banging on about how hard it is to bring a player in, how few strikers there are, how he was physically present when the club were doing everything they could to bring in a forward at the end of January.  But that's just fucking bullshit.  Every other club was signing players like they were collecting Dinky toys.  We were the only ones who seemed incapable of getting in bodies.

Sure, the other clubs may well have signed some crap, but do their squads look weaker than ours?  Do they fuck.  We've got nobody to play up front, and nobody on the bench to replace that nobody at 60 minutes.  

Leeds will simply not be fearing us on Saturday.  Their team talk will be: "Ok lads, let's not underestimate these.  I mean they are absolutely laughably fucking terrible, but remember when Colchester beat us in 1971?  Well, obviously, you don't remember that, you probably don't know where Leeds is on a map, let alone Colchester, but what I'm saying is, even the worst team might get lucky.  So imagine you're playing, like, Leeds Womens team today, okay?  Of course you will beat them but, something weird might happen so don't get too complacent.  Having said that, I'm only asking nine of you to play, should be enough to be three up by half time. Off you go boys, fill yer boots".

Anyway, Dyche.  I actually think he's just going through the motions.  He's probably got one eye on next season in the Championship.  

DCL?  I think he'll quietly retire at the end of the season and become a TV pundit or a TikTok influencer.

Not sure if true but during the Shite match, the Spanish speaking commentators were saying Dyche gets a £3m bonus for keeping us up. That probably shows how confident the board are, fuckers.

Rotterdam 1985 wrote:

hairy cataract wrote:

Tonteau wrote:Big question: Does anyone wish we'd kept Rondon?

Rondon, Tosun, Niasse, Sandro, Moise Kean.  Utter shite, but each of them better than anyone we start with on Saturday.

Of that list, Tosun is the only one who I think could be of any particular benefit us right now. And he couldn't really be arsed anyway. But he had some attributes that we could use - mobility, a bit of football intelligence, a few goals in him, not stark raving mad - that the others couldn't provide. Rondon was a statue, Niasse was totally lost, Sandro is Maupay but even slower, Moise Kean is a talented basket case who probably isn't what Dyche is looking for right now anyway.

I'd still like to have a few of them on the bench. Because if we play Simms and Maupay up top, we've got literally nobody on the bench right now except about a dozen centre halves and Tom Davies.

Rotterdam 1985 wrote:

hairy cataract wrote:

Rotterdam 1985 wrote:

hairy cataract wrote:

Tonteau wrote:Big question: Does anyone wish we'd kept Rondon?

Rondon, Tosun, Niasse, Sandro, Moise Kean.  Utter shite, but each of them better than anyone we start with on Saturday.

Of that list, Tosun is the only one who I think could be of any particular benefit us right now. And he couldn't really be arsed anyway. But he had some attributes that we could use - mobility, a bit of football intelligence, a few goals in him, not stark raving mad - that the others couldn't provide. Rondon was a statue, Niasse was totally lost, Sandro is Maupay but even slower, Moise Kean is a talented basket case who probably isn't what Dyche is looking for right now anyway.

I'd still like to have a few of them on the bench.  Because if we play Simms and Maupay up top, we've got literally nobody on the bench right now except about a dozen centre halves and Tom Davies.

Yeah I noticed that on Monday. Say what you like about our current squad but we are fucking loaded for centre backs. 6 of them, all fit and raring to go, even Mina incredibly. Plus Branthwaite out on loan.

It would be more fun if we had 6 strikers but no centre backs and went down by losing 9-8 every week. Imagine it - 5-2 up at half time and thinking "we need three more here before I feel comfortable." Now that's the way to go down.

This has weirdly taken me back to my Panini sticker days, when I needed Peter Eastoe to complete my Everton page, couldn't find him anywhere, but I had about seven Asa Hartfords in my swaps collection. I could have reworked this analogy to make it Latchford and Lyons, it would have worked better, but my mum taught me not to tell fibs, and I still remember swearing whenever I opened a packet and another Asa fucking Hartford was staring at me. Not his fault, but Scottish cunt anyway.

How do I get a messagew to Dyche? Mina up top!!!

Yankthattoffee wrote:

Rotterdam 1985 wrote:

hairy cataract wrote:

Rotterdam 1985 wrote:

hairy cataract wrote:

Tonteau wrote:Big question: Does anyone wish we'd kept Rondon?

Rondon, Tosun, Niasse, Sandro, Moise Kean.  Utter shite, but each of them better than anyone we start with on Saturday.

Of that list, Tosun is the only one who I think could be of any particular benefit us right now. And he couldn't really be arsed anyway. But he had some attributes that we could use - mobility, a bit of football intelligence, a few goals in him, not stark raving mad - that the others couldn't provide. Rondon was a statue, Niasse was totally lost, Sandro is Maupay but even slower, Moise Kean is a talented basket case who probably isn't what Dyche is looking for right now anyway.

I'd still like to have a few of them on the bench.  Because if we play Simms and Maupay up top, we've got literally nobody on the bench right now except about a dozen centre halves and Tom Davies.

Yeah I noticed that on Monday. Say what you like about our current squad but we are fucking loaded for centre backs. 6 of them, all fit and raring to go, even Mina incredibly. Plus Branthwaite out on loan.

It would be more fun if we had 6 strikers but no centre backs and went down by losing 9-8 every week. Imagine it - 5-2 up at half time and thinking "we need three more here before I feel comfortable." Now that's the way to go down.

This has weirdly taken me back to my Panini sticker days, when I needed Peter Eastoe to complete my Everton page, couldn't find him anywhere, but I had about seven Asa Hartfords in my swaps collection. I could have reworked this analogy to make it Latchford and Lyons, it would have worked better, but my mum taught me not to tell fibs, and I still remember swearing whenever I opened a packet and another Asa fucking Hartford was staring at me. Not his fault, but Scottish cunt anyway.

How do I get a messagew to Dyche? Mina up top!!!

I think a journo asked him something like that at yesterday's presser. Dyche said something like "a centre half up front? That's an unusual idea, I'd better think about that". His tongue looked firmly in his cheek. So I don't think we'll be seeing Mina up top this season.

Rotterdam 1985 wrote:

hairy cataract wrote:

Yankthattoffee wrote:

Rotterdam 1985 wrote:

hairy cataract wrote:

Rotterdam 1985 wrote:

hairy cataract wrote:

Tonteau wrote:Big question: Does anyone wish we'd kept Rondon?

Rondon, Tosun, Niasse, Sandro, Moise Kean.  Utter shite, but each of them better than anyone we start with on Saturday.

Of that list, Tosun is the only one who I think could be of any particular benefit us right now. And he couldn't really be arsed anyway. But he had some attributes that we could use - mobility, a bit of football intelligence, a few goals in him, not stark raving mad - that the others couldn't provide. Rondon was a statue, Niasse was totally lost, Sandro is Maupay but even slower, Moise Kean is a talented basket case who probably isn't what Dyche is looking for right now anyway.

I'd still like to have a few of them on the bench.  Because if we play Simms and Maupay up top, we've got literally nobody on the bench right now except about a dozen centre halves and Tom Davies.

Yeah I noticed that on Monday. Say what you like about our current squad but we are fucking loaded for centre backs. 6 of them, all fit and raring to go, even Mina incredibly. Plus Branthwaite out on loan.

It would be more fun if we had 6 strikers but no centre backs and went down by losing 9-8 every week. Imagine it - 5-2 up at half time and thinking "we need three more here before I feel comfortable." Now that's the way to go down.

This has weirdly taken me back to my Panini sticker days, when I needed Peter Eastoe to complete my Everton page, couldn't find him anywhere, but I had about seven Asa Hartfords in my swaps collection. I could have reworked this analogy to make it Latchford and Lyons, it would have worked better, but my mum taught me not to tell fibs, and I still remember swearing whenever I opened a packet and another Asa fucking Hartford was staring at me. Not his fault, but Scottish cunt anyway.

How do I get a messagew to Dyche? Mina up top!!!

I think a journo asked him something like that at yesterday's presser.   Dyche said something like "a centre half up front?  That's an unusual idea, I'd better think about that".  His tongue looked firmly in his cheek.  So I don't think we'll be seeing Mina up top this season.

Speaking personally, nothing exemplifies the current shit-show of our squad depth more than me researching Paul Warhurst's goal stats in the early '90's when he was shoved up front due to Sheff Wed being out of strikers. Fucking desperate this is.

Anyway, it's a good story. David Hirst and Mark Bright were both injured so Warhurst, who I do recall as a fairly classy ball-playing centre back, was deployed as an emergency striker, and duly proceeded to score 12 in 12, and got an England call-up as a striker off the back of it (which perhaps says more about the Graham Taylor England era than it does about Warhurst's predatory skills.) He then got injured - probably concussion from nutting so many balls into the back of the net - so was denied the opportunity to Gerd Muller us to the 1994 World Cup finals.

Then his manager Trevor Francis, who was quite capable of starting a fight with anyone, a sort of proto-Rafa twat of a manager, wanted to move Warhurst back to CB when his strikers were fit again. Warhurst didn't like that, in the spirit of the kid on the playground who always gets put in defence and wants a longer stint up front, so he got sold on. He spent the next decade at Blackburn, Palace and Bolton playing largely as a midfielder, and scored remarkably few goals during that time.

Still. 12 in 12 hairy. Imagine that. Get on board the Mina goal machine hype train, we can make this happen.

I remember it slightly differently. Didn't Warhurst moan a bit about being called up as a striker when he saw himself as a defender? Which sounds a bit like someone moaning about being told they're a brilliant opera singer when they're actually fully trained as a bog cleaner.

Anyway, surely it should be Keane up front? He scored a cracker against Palace.

That palace goal was an absolute world class finish. If a striker had scored it we could have sold him for about £30m off the back of it. I'm getting on board with the mina up front thing, at least for the last 20 against the shite. He's 6'5", he'd have had Matip on toast. Get iwobi and gray around him to collect the knock downs and we'd probably have scored 4 or 5. Really is a pice of piss this football management lark.

Where's Hibbo when you need him?

He knew where the net was. The fishing net I mean.

I come from teyh ear of Sandy Brown playing fullback one week, and CF the next. Penalty taker of the "get the feck out of the way of this Mr Goalie." Mick Lyons was another, and taking a cue from Moyes, look what he did with Antonio. As for height, didn't Brazil win a WC with 2 liitle uns up front. Bebeto and Romario?
I think I might revert to the old letter writing idea, to Dyche.
Let the Mina onslaughtt begin.
 and I haven't even had one of these, so no excuses.


btw can anyone else think of a player like Antonio who has been converted thus?

just one problem, Mina is only fit enough to play 20 minutes every six weeks.. he breaks even easier than DCL or Gibbo

Made 4 Gwladys wrote:just one problem, Mina is only fit enough to play 20 minutes every six weeks.. he breaks even easier than DCL or Gibbo

I'd take 60 minutes, or once he's scored a hattrick, whichever comes first
Then get Simms on and tell him to follow suit.