Chelsea at the Bridge

Away at Chelsea reminds me of Cahill scoring. Winning the game even I want to recall.

Can we get something from the game this time?

Knight of Thorgothshire wrote:Away at Chelsea reminds me of Cahill scoring. Winning the game even I want to recall.

Can we get something from the game this time?

I think I went for 1-1 in the Tipster but this could be anything. We could lose 4-0 or win 4-0. Well, obviously we won't win 4-0 but you know what I mean.

This game should be live on Comedy Central. Two of the most batshit crazy football clubs in the entire cosmos.

Or it should be live on Bloomberg, not with the usual football commentary but with financial pundits discussing the fiscal hell both clubs find themselves in.

Chelsea away used to be scary. But they are the football equivalent of a clothing brand that used to be premium but was then bought out by Sports Direct and are now three for a tenner in the t-shirts section. The name is still evocative of better times, but then you remind yourself that it's not the same product or quality.

A bit like us, really, but their fall was more sudden and more recent, and they'll probably be remarketed as a premium brand at some point soon. Whereas we'll be Slazenger forever.

I don't know why I'm taking the piss out of Sports Direct, by the way - the idea of a takeover by Mike Ashley would be less scary than the alternatives currently on the table.

So it gives me hope tonight, that we're playing Chelsea. But most of that hope dissipates when I remember that we're Everton. Prediction: both clubs to go bust within two years.

No DCL.

Rotterdam 1985 wrote:No DCL.

I was thinking about DCL and Deli Alli - both were stars just a couple of years ago. DCL even made his England debut and scored. Now he can't score to save his life, even though he has 2 goals as of late (penalty against the Barcodes and the fluke deflection against Burnley) after not scoring for 23 games I think it was. Deli Alli was a Spurs and England regular. He's gone through a lot as of the last few years, and the worst has arguably not been the injuries but the mentally tough period he's had.

Beto hattrick.

Fuck me, spare us the pain and humiliation and put us into administration now.

Might give the second half a miss.

Was in a meeting as the match started, but tried to get some glimpses on the BBC live text. Anyway, Beto misses from 3 yards out with the goal at his mercy. 20 minutes later it's 3-0 Chelsea and game over.

Depressing.

4-0. Ugh. I mean. fooking hell.

Rotts, I blame you - you noted we could win or lose 4-0...

Knight of Thorgothshire wrote:4-0. Ugh. I mean. fooking hell.

Rotts, I blame you - you noted we could win or lose 4-0...

I'd take 4-0.

Glad I'm not watching this

Goodison_Gringo wrote:

Knight of Thorgothshire wrote:4-0. Ugh. I mean. fooking hell.

Rotts, I blame you - you noted we could win or lose 4-0...

I'd take 4-0.

After City beat Luton 5-1 I was thinking of the goal differential implications and how this was "good" for us. Well, back to square one at the moment, and maybe more to come.

Am no longer watching. I don't want to make any excuses at all for what I saw in the first half, so think of this as a reason, however unacceptable you may think it is. But I saw a team whose heads have gone, and I wonder how much of that is to do with the points deductions.

You know, we should be on 35 points based on points earned on the pitch, well clear of the relegation battle. They've already responded well to a points deduction once this season. And they're then asked to do it again, when out of form. The psychology of that is pretty tough.

Four home games left out of six, and once again it'll be down to GP to push an exceptionally limited team towards safety. With all the prevailing circumstances, I think it'll be really tough.

One other thing - it feels like we've been a team lacking in pace for about 10 years now. Chelsea may be callow and inconsistent but they've got pace and legs all over the place. It just struck me tonight.

One other (other) thing - Beto doesn't understand the concept of offside.

That is all.

Branthwaite off injured as well. Hopefully just a precaution.

Just back from the theatre. Have I missed anything?

The Chelsea fight over who took the pen (which I've just seen on Twitter) was funny though.

Even when they win 6-0 they remain a comedy club. But very much funny ha-ha. Whereas we're a dark, morbid tragi-comedy that came in well over budget and didn't prove popular at the box office.

Ah well. Forest are gonna fucking pay for this.

hairy cataract wrote:Just back from the theatre. Have I missed anything?

We started well. Better team the first four minutes.

I was screaming, Hairy mate, screaming at Dyche to bring Keane on to tighten things up at the back. Eventually he did, on the hour mark. The damage was done by then though. No Keane, no points, you know the drill.

I think tonight's the night that Everton Twitter turned 100% against Dyche. It's been trending that way for some weeks now, but there's an awful lot of "boooo Sean Dyche, it's the job centre for you tomorrow morning and no mistake" comments on that there cesspit of an app this evening. Or words to that effect anyway.

Manager-wise, I'm past caring. Not sure it'll make any difference, we're in lipstick on a pig territory really.

Rotterdam 1985 wrote:

hairy cataract wrote:Just back from the theatre. Have I missed anything?

We started well. Better team the first four minutes.

I was screaming, Hairy mate, screaming at Dyche to bring Keane on to tighten things up at the back. Eventually he did, on the hour mark. The damage was done by then though. No Keane, no points, you know the drill.

yes but did we win? I've only seen the xG so far, and the shots per team, and it looks like we might have sneaked a draw. And I'm pretty sure that will be the line Dyche takes in his press conference

hairy cataract wrote:

Rotterdam 1985 wrote:

hairy cataract wrote:Just back from the theatre. Have I missed anything?

We started well. Better team the first four minutes.

I was screaming, Hairy mate, screaming at Dyche to bring Keane on to tighten things up at the back. Eventually he did, on the hour mark. The damage was done by then though. No Keane, no points, you know the drill.

yes but did we win?  I've only seen the xG so far, and the shots per team, and it looks like we might have sneaked a draw.  And I'm pretty sure that will be the line Dyche takes in his press conference

According to xG we should have only lost 3-1, actually close to 3-2.

Sadly xG doesn't measure how often Hinge and Bracket on our right flank were massacred for pace by those young Chelsea tyros. Also I'm not sure it takes into account Beto's offsides. He had a good header disallowed because he forgot all about that offside thing, and I think he missed maybe two sitters that would also have been chalked off for the same reason. And remember, I only watched the first half.

Really should have been 3-3 then. I think we were a bit unlucky, rub of the green stuff. On another day, could even have won it. There, I've written Dyche's presser notes for him.

Odds are currently 4/1 that we go down.

So... Forest at home: we probably don't have a fit right back with Patto and Seamus going off last night, Branthwaite must be touch and go, and DCL looks a risk. Forest know where the goal is and we don't. 0 points

RS at home: don't make me laugh. 0 points

Brentford at home: ok, we could get something here. Brentford will have nothing to play for, we need to get stuck in and try to get a 1-0, but we can't score. Let's be generous, 3 points

Luton away: yeah they're a bit shit, but they're playing for their lives, can score, and have got Barkley who will delight in scoring against us. The crowd are up for it, fully behind the team, and the ground is intimidating. And we can't score. 0 points

Sheff Utd home: if there is one game that I think we can win, it's this one. Of course, we probably won't, but we should. 3 points.

Arsenal away: see RS at home. 0 points

so we finish on 33 points. If Luton do beat us, then we go down.

And on that basis, I've just bet everything sitting in my William Hill account on us going down. Won't be much of a consolation, but it looks inevitable.

This game was the first in ages, maybe ever, that I didn't bother watching the highlights.