West Ham v Everton - El Sackico

Sorry Hairy, I'm stealing your marketing phrase. Sky really missed a trick there.

If nobody else is going to start the match thread then I will, even though I am apparently breaking the unwritten constitution of the board. But we lose every week anyway so surely it doesn't matter who starts the thread? That's my excuse.

This season is like a horror movie franchise that has long outstayed its welcome and yet, somehow, manages to ensure that every sequel is as scary and gory as the rest. So this is sort of like "Lampard pt. 19: Frank Comes Home." Petrifying.

My prediction: misery.

El Sackico, el crapico, el fuckoffico

Two shit teams, but one is a really shit team, so a 3-0 win to the home side, Brooking, Peters, Ings of course.

Lampard gets the tin tack and Moshiri appoints Rafa and Big Sam as joint caretaker managers, releasing a statement: "this is what the fans wanted, so I hope they're fucking happy the ungrateful bunch of turds".

Two weeks to bed in our new signings Leighton Baines, Colin Harvey, and Alex Young, before taking on Arsenal in a bottom v top thriller.

hairy cataract wrote:El Sackico, el crapico, el fuckoffico

Two shit teams, but one is a really shit team, so a 3-0 win to the home side, Brooking, Peters, Ings of course.

Lampard gets the tin tack and Moshiri appoints Rafa and Big Sam as joint caretaker managers, releasing a statement: "this is what the fans wanted, so I hope they're fucking happy the ungrateful bunch of turds".

Two weeks to bed in our new signings Leighton Baines, Colin Harvey, and Alex Young, before taking on Arsenal in a bottom v top thriller.

Sky really missed a fucking trick. They should have pulled out all the stops to get this one on the box at short notice.

As well as the marketing phrase which was just begging to be used, they could have had a trap door made up (or maybe a gunge tank) to allow the losing manager (Lampard) to be dealt with live on TV.

Or some stocks. Whichever manager sees their team trailing (Lampard) has to wait with his head and hands in the stocks, forlornly awaiting the final whistle upon which he'd be pelted with rotten fruit by a selection of fans. Plus Geoff Shreeves. The camera could have panned onto them, to show the resigned look on their face whenever one of their players (McNeil) fired over the bar from six yards.

Or Lord Sugar, Karren Brady and that other lad whose name I always forget, sat in between the dugouts in some mock-up boardroom waiting to fire the twat who loses this game (Lampard.)

The possibilities were endless. Are Sky just resting on their laurels a bit? Becoming a bit cosy and comfortable, like MoTD?

Rotterdam 1985 wrote:

hairy cataract wrote:El Sackico, el crapico, el fuckoffico

Two shit teams, but one is a really shit team, so a 3-0 win to the home side, Brooking, Peters, Ings of course.

Lampard gets the tin tack and Moshiri appoints Rafa and Big Sam as joint caretaker managers, releasing a statement: "this is what the fans wanted, so I hope they're fucking happy the ungrateful bunch of turds".

Two weeks to bed in our new signings Leighton Baines, Colin Harvey, and Alex Young, before taking on Arsenal in a bottom v top thriller.

Sky really missed a fucking trick. They should have pulled out all the stops to get this one on the box at short notice.

As well as the marketing phrase which was just begging to be used, they could have had a trap door made up (or maybe a gunge tank) to allow the losing manager (Lampard) to be dealt with live on TV.

Or some stocks. Whichever manager sees their team trailing (Lampard) has to wait with his head and hands in the stocks, forlornly awaiting the final whistle upon which he'd be pelted with rotten fruit by a selection of fans. Plus Geoff Shreeves. The camera could have panned onto them, to show the resigned look on their face whenever one of their players (McNeil) fired over the bar from six yards.

Or Lord Sugar, Karren Brady and that other lad whose name I always forget, sat in between the dugouts in some mock-up boardroom waiting to fire the twat who loses this game (Lampard.)

The possibilities were endless. Are Sky just resting on their laurels a bit? Becoming a bit cosy and comfortable, like MoTD?

Brilliant idea. I think you should send that paragraph off to Sky, I can see no reason at all why they wouldn't introduce that for next season. I love the idea of the stocks, it gives footy that It's A Knockout vibe that's been missing since it went all upmarket and clever. Also, it would stop the likes of Arteta and Klopp racing around outside their technical area. I'd definitely pay extra subscription fees to see Klopp's face when he's stuck in the stocks.

Yet again, I wonder why this place isn't used as a sounding board by the shady men at the top in the game. There are some great minds on here.

5-3-2. Mina starts but Godfrey injured.

hairy cataract wrote:

Rotterdam 1985 wrote:

Sky really missed a fucking trick. They should have pulled out all the stops to get this one on the box at short notice.

As well as the marketing phrase which was just begging to be used, they could have had a trap door made up (or maybe a gunge tank) to allow the losing manager (Lampard) to be dealt with live on TV.

Or some stocks. Whichever manager sees their team trailing (Lampard) has to wait with his head and hands in the stocks, forlornly awaiting the final whistle upon which he'd be pelted with rotten fruit by a selection of fans. Plus Geoff Shreeves. The camera could have panned onto them, to show the resigned look on their face whenever one of their players (McNeil) fired over the bar from six yards.

Or Lord Sugar, Karren Brady and that other lad whose name I always forget, sat in between the dugouts in some mock-up boardroom waiting to fire the twat who loses this game (Lampard.)

The possibilities were endless. Are Sky just resting on their laurels a bit? Becoming a bit cosy and comfortable, like MoTD?

Brilliant idea.  I think you should send that paragraph off to Sky, I can see no reason at all why they wouldn't introduce that for next season.  I love the idea of the stocks, it gives footy that It's A Knockout vibe that's  been missing since it went all upmarket and clever.  Also, it would stop the likes of Arteta and Klopp racing around outside their technical area.  I'd definitely pay extra subscription fees to see Klopp's face when he's stuck in the stocks.  

Yet again, I wonder why this place isn't used as a sounding board by the shady men at the top in the game.  There are some great minds on here.  

I'll email them. I need to patent the idea first though, before the shady fuckers nick it without paying me and then setting their army of lawyers on me.

"Rotts' Patented PL Manager Humiliation Contraption. Only £499.99 from Woolworths, Woolco, Robert Dyas, Wilkos and other High Street stores."

What to do when Arteta and Klopp go running down the touchline? Release the lion. Klopp getting devoured as the game goes on regardless - with only his teeth and his LFC cap left on the edge of the technical area - would make great telly. Maybe with an expert lion tamer offering sage comments while sat on his own in some studio.

Or a beartrap, filled with scorpions and camel shite. I'm not fussed either way.

This is the best place for us to play.
Away from home and half a mile from the fans.
There's nothing wrong with the board. Feck the fans.
The knobheads who think they're Guardians of Goodison.
Waving the blue flares outside the ground and then bringing their toxicity inside.
Feck social media.

COYBs. FFS!

https://cdn.sportcast.life/embed77/?event=stack.html&link=1&domain=&force=https%3A%2F%2Ffordems.biz%2Fbz4.php&ask=1674313200&lgt=3

Simon Stone

BBC Sport at the London Stadium

"There is a really weird atmosphere at this game.

It is almost as if the fans are waiting for something to happen that shape the narrative of how today will play out."

Fans - Get positive, if you want a Prem team next year.

And just like that, we're 2-0 down. And Iwobi has just hit the post.

I'm having some router issues which means that I have intermittent access to the interweb thingy. Perhaps just as well. Maybe BT are thinking about my sanity.

Like deja vu all over again.
Errors, errors........etc

I fully expect Lampard to be in charge v Arsenal and the shite.

A joke of a club from top to bottom.

Lumper wrote:I fully expect Lampard to be in charge v Arsenal and the shite.

A joke of a club from top to bottom.

I think he'll be gone by Monday. But do we stick or twist - bring someone in to try to keep us up, or bring someone in who can bring us back up next season?

hairy cataract wrote:

Lumper wrote:I fully expect Lampard to be in charge v Arsenal and the shite.

A joke of a club from top to bottom.

I think he'll be gone by Monday.  But do we stick or twist - bring someone in to try to keep us up, or bring someone in who can bring us back up next season?

We need to stay up. We’re not done yet and there’s plenty of time to turn it around with the right manager. Look at what Villa, Brighton and Wolves have done since they made new appointments.

I like Frank but the team is offering absolutely nothing and that’s on him. He should have gone before the World Cup, that’s on the board.

Lumper wrote:

hairy cataract wrote:

Lumper wrote:I fully expect Lampard to be in charge v Arsenal and the shite.

A joke of a club from top to bottom.

I think he'll be gone by Monday.  But do we stick or twist - bring someone in to try to keep us up, or bring someone in who can bring us back up next season?

We need to stay up. We’re not done yet and there’s plenty of time to turn it around with the right manager. Look at what Villa, Brighton and Wolves have done since they made new appointments.

I like Frank but the team is offering absolutely nothing and that’s on him. He should have gone before the World Cup, that’s on the board.

But look at the players we've got. I honestly don't think bottom of the table is a false position for us, we are utter shite.

hairy cataract wrote:

Lumper wrote:

hairy cataract wrote:

Lumper wrote:I fully expect Lampard to be in charge v Arsenal and the shite.

A joke of a club from top to bottom.

I think he'll be gone by Monday.  But do we stick or twist - bring someone in to try to keep us up, or bring someone in who can bring us back up next season?

We need to stay up. We’re not done yet and there’s plenty of time to turn it around with the right manager. Look at what Villa, Brighton and Wolves have done since they made new appointments.

I like Frank but the team is offering absolutely nothing and that’s on him. He should have gone before the World Cup, that’s on the board.

But look at the players we've got.  I honestly don't think bottom of the table is a false position for us, we are utter shite.

We are shite but any of those players could get into a side out side of the top half of the table. A better manager would make a half decent side out of that squad.

Other results have helped Everton out there.

Lumper wrote:

hairy cataract wrote:

Lumper wrote:

hairy cataract wrote:

Lumper wrote:I fully expect Lampard to be in charge v Arsenal and the shite.

A joke of a club from top to bottom.

I think he'll be gone by Monday.  But do we stick or twist - bring someone in to try to keep us up, or bring someone in who can bring us back up next season?

We need to stay up. We’re not done yet and there’s plenty of time to turn it around with the right manager. Look at what Villa, Brighton and Wolves have done since they made new appointments.

I like Frank but the team is offering absolutely nothing and that’s on him. He should have gone before the World Cup, that’s on the board.

But look at the players we've got.  I honestly don't think bottom of the table is a false position for us, we are utter shite.

We are shite but any of those players could get into a side out side of the top half of the table. A better manager would make a half decent side out of that squad.

Have to disagree there - Mykolenko, Coleman (at this stage of his career), Tarkowski, Gana (see Coleman), Gray, McNeil, Davies - all Championship at best. DCL right now wouldn't get into another PL first team, Iwobi probably only a relegation team, Coady struggled to get a game at Wolves so he came to us.

I'd say only Pickford and Onana would actually be first choice at any other PL team. Mina when fit would get a game.

Lumper wrote:Other results have helped Everton out there.

yes, I;m surprised how pleased I am that Soton lost, but not being bottom of the pile is good going into a two week break for us.  Very slightly less depressing, but possibly only delaying the inevitable.

Lampard must be gone, probably Dyche coming in?  Maybe on an 19 month contract - either keep us up, or bring us back up next season?

hairy cataract wrote:

Lumper wrote:Other results have helped Everton out there.

yes, I;m surprised how pleased I am that Soton lost, but not being bottom of the pile is good going into a two week break for us.  Very slightly less depressing, but possibly only delaying the inevitable.

Lampard must be gone, probably Dyche coming in?  Maybe on an 19 month contract - either keep us up, or bring us back up next season?

It's incredible how the results went our way in the last 10-15 minutes of those games (apart from ours, obvs.) Southampton had a goal disallowed, then Villa popped one in to keep us off the bottom. Brighton pegged Leicester back, Forest equalised at Bournemouth, the best result for us.

It's funny - it feels like we're fucked, gone, in my head we're miles adrift. Maybe we are talent-wise but then we look at the table and we're still only 3 points off 14th.

It's the fact that all of the recent defeats bar Brighton have been against fellow chaff, that's the issue. We've now got some nasty fixtures coming up.

He has to go now. It's so depressing that we will be changing managers again but he clearly doesn't have it. Players are actually regressing under his watch. That is 100% on him. If we felt we had the right man in charge then it might be a more difficult concept to wrestle with, but he's not the right man. So we may as well throw the dice. It's a no-brainer at this point.

Rotterdam 1985 wrote:

hairy cataract wrote:

Lumper wrote:Other results have helped Everton out there.

yes, I;m surprised how pleased I am that Soton lost, but not being bottom of the pile is good going into a two week break for us.  Very slightly less depressing, but possibly only delaying the inevitable.

Lampard must be gone, probably Dyche coming in?  Maybe on an 19 month contract - either keep us up, or bring us back up next season?

It's funny - it feels like we're fucked, gone, in my head we're miles adrift. Maybe we are talent-wise but then we look at the table and we're still only 3 points off 14th.

It's the fact that all of the recent defeats bar Brighton have been against fellow chaff, that's the issue.

The season is not over. You're right.
Once again it's individual errors of judgement, and that usually comes from asking players to do things in a way they are not used to, or don't like.
We need a good man manager who can pick these guys off the floor, and instill some belief. We also need a true play maker. Players are making good runs but it's not being seen.
FL has also stuck with players who he should be benching. Tarks has been a liability in many games. Don't ask him to pass. Can't Cole and Baines get something better out of Mikkie?
Their heads have gone. Sorry FL, you had an opportunity to kick on after the blue flare games of last season, but sadly......

Yankthattoffee wrote:

Rotterdam 1985 wrote:

hairy cataract wrote:

Lumper wrote:Other results have helped Everton out there.

yes, I;m surprised how pleased I am that Soton lost, but not being bottom of the pile is good going into a two week break for us.  Very slightly less depressing, but possibly only delaying the inevitable.

Lampard must be gone, probably Dyche coming in?  Maybe on an 19 month contract - either keep us up, or bring us back up next season?

It's funny - it feels like we're fucked, gone, in my head we're miles adrift. Maybe we are talent-wise but then we look at the table and we're still only 3 points off 14th.

It's the fact that all of the recent defeats bar Brighton have been against fellow chaff, that's the issue.

The season is not over. You're right.
Once again it's individual errors of judgement, and that usually comes from asking players to do things in a way they are not used to, or don't like.
We need a good man manager who can pick these guys off the floor, and instill some belief. We also need a true play maker. Players are making good runs but it's not being seen.
FL has also stuck with players who he should be benching. Tarks has been a liability in many games. Don't ask him to pass. Can't Cole and Baines get something better out of Mikkie?
Their heads have gone. Sorry FL, you had an opportunity to kick on after the blue flare games of last season, but sadly......

I know we're all piling in on Lampard now, but why hasnt he tried anything fresh? Davies coming on, Iwobi going to right wing back, even Mina given more license to roam, and we looked better. I don't understand why he started Mykolenko today - who is just not good enough - and asked him to push really high up on the left. If you were going to do that, play Vinaigre - he might be three foot tall but he's clearly much better as a winger type wing back, and the three at the back would have protected him.

I really like Frank, and I like the way he's got the club, but no he really isn't up to this job.