Stoke v Everton - friendly

12th minute, DCL pulls up with a tight hammy, to be replaced by Danjouma, who immediately pulls up feeling his thigh.  Unfortunately, before the game, we loaned out Cannon to the Dog & Duck U21s, so Maupay plays up front on his own with Doucoure in an advanced midfield role.  Just like last season, which turned out so well.  

In the second half, with the score locked at nil nil, Keane is turned by a 43 year old who races around Pickford to put Stoke one up.  Dyche throws on the kids who shit themselves and start crying for their mummies.  Stoke cruise home 3-0.  Kenwright tells Dyche he's turned down season-long loans of Harry Kane and Mbappe because their clubs were asking for a quid per game, and instead has brilliantly negotiated a five year deal for a recently deceased woman from Rhyl.

That's what could possibly go wrong.

No DCL today, Danjuma up front.

Free stream on the OS.

Armchair wrote:Free stream on the OS.

It's supposed to be £8.99 but when I clicked on the link it took me straight to the stream.

I'm watching but I have no idea why. Yeah it's pre-season and, as Graham Stewart said on commentary, the players are probably leggy after a week of bleep tests and carrying bags of cement up hills. But we're awful. I watch this crap out of a sense of duty during the proper season, but I'm questioning my own sanity right now.

I'm going to bring my trip to the shops forward, I won't watch the second half.

Rotterdam 1985 wrote:I'm watching but I have no idea why. Yeah it's pre-season and, as Graham Stewart said on commentary, the players are probably leggy after a week of bleep tests and carrying bags of cement up hills. But we're awful. I watch this crap out of a sense of duty during the proper season, but I'm questioning my own sanity right now.

I'm going to bring my trip to the shops forward, I won't watch the second half.

Imagine a rugby team playing without a scrum half, or a cricket team without a wicketkeeper. That's how it feels watching Everton without a striker, pre-season or not. It's that critical and fundamental, to being able to play the game properly. Nothing else can work effectively when we have that glaring inefficiency to deal with. It just beggars belief that we're still sticking non-strikers up front after all this time.

I am not a fan of Danjuma up-front, at all. A total waste of his ability. Leave him wide or deeper and stick a dustbin up front - or Maupay if we can't find a dustbin. That would work better as we'd get the best out of Danjuma in his normal position.

Made 4 Gwladys wrote:

Armchair wrote:

Armchair wrote:Free stream on the OS.

It's supposed to be £8.99 but when I clicked on the link it took me straight to the stream.

me too

does make me wonder if I left some payment card details in there at some point & I'll suddenly get a 8.99 charge though

I'm not even logged in!

I was offered the stream + Neal Maupay on a free transfer. Only accepted one of the two.

ONANAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Dyche after the match:

"It's a tough market," he said. "There is only so much that we can do, so we are working very hard - I can assure everyone of that - to construct deals that can work.

"There is no exact moment until it's over the line. There have been situations where we have been into where we thought we were going to get it over the line and we don't - that's the way it goes.

"A lack of goals is always a concern because you need to score to win games. We showed in the second half of the season that we needed to find different ways of scoring goals and we are going to have to do that going forwards. That is part of football."

It's fucking groundhog day, isn't it? I swear our managers have been giving the same interview for a couple of years now. Makes you wonder if AI has been introduced at Goodison, because there's no fucking way a real life person would trot that bollocks out yet again and manage to keep a straight face. We're being taken the piss out of here.

hairy cataract wrote:Dyche after the match:

"It's a tough market," he said. "There is only so much that we can do, so we are working very hard - I can assure everyone of that - to construct deals that can work.

"There is no exact moment until it's over the line. There have been situations where we have been into where we thought we were going to get it over the line and we don't - that's the way it goes.

"A lack of goals is always a concern because you need to score to win games. We showed in the second half of the season that we needed to find different ways of scoring goals and we are going to have to do that going forwards. That is part of football."

It's fucking groundhog day, isn't it?  I swear our managers have been giving the same interview for a couple of years now.  Makes you wonder if AI has been introduced at Goodison, because there's no fucking way a real life person would trot that bollocks out yet again and manage to keep a straight face.  We're being taken the piss out of here.

Tough market, but a market that is tough for everyone. Even the Super League clubs have to complete with each other at their end of the pecking order.

Just go and get fucking Weghorst on loan for a season while you're still hunting around for someone more long-term. He's no goal machine but he does everything else that strikers are supposed to do - he occupies centre backs, he holds the ball up and brings midfielders into the game, he'll win corners and throw ins and free kicks and keep the ball at that end of the pitch for longer. Never mind goals, these are the basics that we currently lack that affect how the entire team performs. Just get someone who knows how to do the job.

Alfredo Morelos anyone? He’s left rangers and is currently a free agent, shocking disciplinary record but beggars can’t be choosers.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/65611364

Tonteau wrote:Alfredo Morelos anyone? He’s left rangers and is currently a free agent, shocking disciplinary record but beggars can’t be choosers.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/65611364

No he's too crazy for me. I know we're desperate but I'd rather find someone who won't occasionally sent off in the 4th minute for chinning someone who looked at him funny.

At this stage, I'd take Adolf Hitler on loan if he could stick a couple in the onion bag.

We're utterly fucked, based on what I've seen of the friendlies, and on our transfer business so far (with less than two weeks til kick off, which means anyone incoming won't be ready for the start of the season).

Right now our squad is even weaker than it was last season, which is incredible really.

Maybe I could be persuaded on Morelos, he does appear to have cleaned up his act a bit.

The stats below are league only. Outside of that he's only had one red card in cups, in a Europa League game in that mad 2018/19 season, which is clearly where he got his reputation from. Three red cards that season against Aberdeen alone!