Everton FC vs Chelsea

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Post  mindyerEnvelopeRef? on Mon 18 Dec 2017, 10:28 pm

I'll continue then ...

Saturday sees a visit from the Conte contemptibles, a side that make Jekyll and Hyde seem like a model of consistency. Hopefully the crap version turns up. Should be an interesting tactical contest, with buses parked at each end of the field. If I'm still in this hot seat by Saturday night it will be a sketchy draw, with Bobby Madely awarding 4 penalties to us, because he's competitive, and Williams scoring 4 og, one from the same distance as Rooney's November goal of the month, because he's competitive too.
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Post  RhinoJagz on Mon 18 Dec 2017, 10:33 pm

First big test for Sam in terms of trying to win a game against a top side as apposed to parking the bus ala Anfield which most fans could understand. Chelsea diffo are a hot and cold side. Terrible against West Ham two weeks ago, the lack the pace and physical presence up front from last season.

I give us a decent shot of getting something out of this, especially as our front players are scoring more regularly now.

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Post  hairy cataract on Mon 18 Dec 2017, 11:08 pm

We're going to destroy them. 4-0. Hat trick for Calvert Lewin and a penno from Rooney that bounces off the bar, onto the goalie's head, along the goalline as far as the corner flag, is picked up by a rogue blast of wind from the Arctic, backspins back along the goal line and goes in off next door's cat who has got lost and found itself on the pitch chasing a squirrel. Big Sam makes the cat his first signing, and Tiddles goes on to be an Everton legend after scoring 61 goals in all competitions next season.
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Post  Blue gazza on Wed 20 Dec 2017, 2:17 pm

as always, a nervy 2-1 win rooney continuing his goal feast with, williams heading the winner Very Happy
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Post  Knight of Thorgothshire on Wed 20 Dec 2017, 5:23 pm

I'd take a 1-1 draw here. And happily so.
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Post  Blue gazza on Wed 20 Dec 2017, 6:11 pm

hairy cataract wrote:We're going to destroy them. 4-0.  Hat trick for Calvert Lewin and a penno from Rooney that bounces off the bar, onto the goalie's head, along the goalline as far as the corner flag, is picked up by a rogue blast of wind from the Arctic, backspins back along the goal line and goes in off next door's cat who has got lost and found itself on the pitch chasing a squirrel.  Big Sam makes the cat his first signing, and Tiddles goes on to be an Everton legend after scoring 61 goals in all competitions next season.

Can't you at least come up with summat original 🤣🤣 lol!
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Post  Sack the Juggler on Thu 21 Dec 2017, 10:06 am

Blue gazza wrote:
hairy cataract wrote:We're going to destroy them. 4-0.  Hat trick for Calvert Lewin and a penno from Rooney that bounces off the bar, onto the goalie's head, along the goalline as far as the corner flag, is picked up by a rogue blast of wind from the Arctic, backspins back along the goal line and goes in off next door's cat who has got lost and found itself on the pitch chasing a squirrel.  Big Sam makes the cat his first signing, and Tiddles goes on to be an Everton legend after scoring 61 goals in all competitions next season.

Can't you at least come up with summat original 🤣🤣 lol!
lol!

You might at least have told us how much we pay for Tiddles! lol!

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Post  Sack the Juggler on Thu 21 Dec 2017, 11:49 am

They are going to batter us, we will park the bus and play with 5 at the back sat behind another row of 4 defenders in front of them.

We will defend deep and often, but they will eventually score and then they will sit back.

Cahill will have a momentary brain fart and will breathe in the general direction of DCL thereby bringing him down in their area.

Rooney will step up, then step down, do. a small pirouette, shout "grannies" in a high pitched voice, address the ball, put a stamp on it, send Courtois the wrong way, wait for him to come back again, shoot, hide the gun so no one will know who killed Courtois, hit the bar, be first the the rebound, hit the bar again, then again, and again. Both side will have tea and scones while Rooney keeps hitting the bar, then John Terry will run on in full kit and intercept the rebound only for it to go in off his face.

1-1 final score.

The Everton players will revolt, kill Sam, take over the club with a new manifesto that involves us playing football.

We get relegated in May and the club folds not long after.

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Post  Gravy & Chips on Thu 21 Dec 2017, 12:47 pm

We are going to get twatted 0-2

(Feel free to include funny scenarios depicting non-sensicle and unlikely actions - won't change the fact that we will get twatted Evil or Very Mad )
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Post  Yankthattoffee on Thu 21 Dec 2017, 12:53 pm

Morata suspended for 1 game. Against us. Will it matter?
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Post  Da Judge on Thu 21 Dec 2017, 1:24 pm

Yankthattoffee wrote:Morata suspended for 1 game. Against us. Will it matter?

“Will it Mata” is that the love child of Willian and Morata?

A child is born and all that....’Tis the season etc...

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Post  Knight of Thorgothshire on Thu 21 Dec 2017, 1:25 pm

Da Judge wrote:
Yankthattoffee wrote:Morata suspended for 1 game. Against us. Will it matter?

“Will it Mata” is that the love child of Willian and Morata?

A child is born and all that....’Tis the season etc...
Laughing Laughing Laughing 'Tis the season indeed.
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Post  Yankthattoffee on Thu 21 Dec 2017, 7:36 pm

Da Judge wrote:
Yankthattoffee wrote:Morata suspended for 1 game. Against us. Will it matter?

“Will it Mata” is that the love child of Willian and Morata?

A child is born and all that....’Tis the season etc...
Who's been on the Eggnog, you or me?
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Post  hairy cataract on Fri 22 Dec 2017, 12:58 pm

Bad news, Tiddles has a torn hamstring. Out til February. Sam has asked Walsh to scour the world for a moggy who can do a similar job for us - he's looking for a modern-day Pusskas but more likely to end up with Cattermole...
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Post  Armchair on Sat 23 Dec 2017, 11:35 am

Breaking team news

Everton v Chelsea (12:30 GMT)

Wayne Rooney is left out of Everton's matchday squad while Michael Keane returns in the centre of the hosts' defence.

Striker Michy Batshuayi is left on the bench by Antonio Conte despite Alvaro Morata's suspension for the match.
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Post  Knight of Thorgothshire on Sat 23 Dec 2017, 12:28 pm

Any links?
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Post  Armchair on Sat 23 Dec 2017, 12:30 pm

Everton FC vs Chelsea Af3a4f1e-2727-4241-bfb5-2d27772d8a95
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Post  Knight of Thorgothshire on Sat 23 Dec 2017, 12:31 pm

http://www.keepsporthonest.net/match/4760/
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Post  Knight of Thorgothshire on Sat 23 Dec 2017, 12:32 pm

And we are underway with Kevin Kilbane being a co-commentator.
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Post  Knight of Thorgothshire on Sat 23 Dec 2017, 12:34 pm

Knight of Thorgothshire wrote:http://www.keepsporthonest.net/match/4760/
That link didn't work for long....
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Post  Knight of Thorgothshire on Sat 23 Dec 2017, 12:35 pm

Well, that link is back working now...
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Post  Knight of Thorgothshire on Sat 23 Dec 2017, 12:36 pm

All Chelsea so far.
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Post  Knight of Thorgothshire on Sat 23 Dec 2017, 12:38 pm

Siggi with a decent chance there, blocked by a Chelsea defender. We need to get the midfield involved today.
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Post  Knight of Thorgothshire on Sat 23 Dec 2017, 12:42 pm

Jags off the line TWICE in 2 seconds. Wow, well done Jags!
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Post  Knight of Thorgothshire on Sat 23 Dec 2017, 12:42 pm

DCL booked for a high boot on Azpilicueta.
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